Trust is Never Easy
by asiacheetah
Summary: This is an episodic/section skewed story following the events of LFN closely. The story is based on the premise the Michael knew Nikita was a mole for Center before FLYF. M chapters throughout.
1. Chapter 1 Part 1

**Trust is Never Easy**

This chapter touches slightly on: the S3 opening arc, S2 ending arc, Hard Landing, and War.

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 1** (posted)

Nikita is lying to me.

I don't know when I started suspecting she's keeping secrets. Was it Nikita's complete lack of reaction to finding out my blood cover marriage? Or was it earlier during Adrian's failed coup against Operations and Madeline?

No. It was even earlier than that when Nikita, who had wanted to be free from Section with every fiber of her being, voluntarily came back.

She said she came back for me. Why don't I believe that? At the time my mind was too preoccupied with trying to shake the suspicion cast on both of us with her miraculous return. Then I was too full of jealousy and rage at how easily she would turn to Jurgen. If she had came back for me as she claimed, how could she have given up so quickly?

It was only after Nikita was granted a few weeks of downtime after Jurgen's death, and I had time to process the mixture of sadness and relief at being free from my former trainer that I started wondering about Nikita's motivation.

I know there was a connection between us. There always has been since the first moment we sparred in the White Room. I used that attraction ruthlessly between us, sometimes on the behest of Section, and sometimes in order to keep her alive. I manipulated her so many times that I know she doesn't trust me. Not that she ever did. Trust involves openness and honesty. Those traits will get you killed in Section.

She certainly doesn't love me. She might have at one point convinced herself that she might be in love with me. That conviction withered away after one too many Section directed manipulation. The final straw that broke the camels' back was my manipulation of her during the breach by Red Cell and the subsequent war that broke out.

Then why did she come back if not for me? I'm not so conceited to believe that she would decide a life of servitude and being told to kill was preferable to freedom after just one night with me. I've been trained by the best in Section on how to manipulate and draw out desire and passion. However, that one night on the boat was me at my most honest, my most desperate. There were no carefully planned seduction, no calculated passion.

I know she took pleasure from me. I was desperate to make her want me as much as I longed for her. There could be no mistake that there were no subterfuge, no dishonesty between us when we finally gave into the desire building between us these past 3 years. We were honest with each other then.

"_I thought I lost you."_

"_You never had me."_

Was she speaking the truth then?


	2. Chapter 1 Part 2

This chapter touches slightly on: New Regime.

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 2**

Michael: _"I thought I lost you."_

Nikita: _"You never had me."_

Nikita was right. She was never mine to begin with. She wasn't Section's either. She obeyed, albeit grudgingly and never without rebelling, as much of Section's dictates as much as she could. In the end her true nature would not allow her to cancel an innocent, someone she felt friendly toward, even with the all too real looming threat of death hanging over all of us.

Section decided they could no longer put up with the promise of a superlative operative over the difficulty posed by her continued willfulness. In Section if you don't perform to Section standard, you are no longer of use to it.

I protected Nikita as long as I could, but in the end I couldn't save her any more. Warning her of the abeyance operation and letting her go is one of the most selfish act I've committed since I incurred the wrath of Section with my forbidden relationship with Simone. In a way, the thought of her on the outside gave me hope for those of us still trapped in the twilight world of Section.

Then because I was drowning, trapped in the never ceasing hell that had become my life, I brought her back in at the first opportunity. I was shocked that she was willing to come back, even if I doubted her reasoning. However, once I was no longer choking in the despair brought on by the fear that I failed her in her abeyance operation, the little seed of doubt started to root in me. Section was hell for those of us sentenced to a life within it and a life sentence was exactly what our indentured servitude in Section was. They expected to exploit everything in you and when you have nothing left to give, they discard you. Why would anyone willingly walk back to hell?

That little seed of doubt grew as time passed and as I observed Nikita. Before she escaped from Section, Nikita was often time emotional, sometimes willfully innocent of the machination of Section. She stopped asking as many questions about Section's motivation and whether what we were doing was right. Operations would say she became one of us. I had my doubts. Section has grown even harsher in their treatment of collaterals and innocents. What had changed her mind about trusting Section's motivation and methods?

I think Madeline must have some suspicion of her as well. I observed when Nikita returned to Section that Madeline no longer soften the blows of her words or the desired actions mandated by Section. Whereas before Madeline chose the tactic of a friendly confidant. Now she analyzed her every move with a decidedly sharp edge.

Some of her suspicions fell on me as well since she knew I had the tendency of covering for Nikita. Madeline was a master strategist and could uncover the motivation and secrets you tried to hide from her. I had tipped my hand early on of my attachment to Nikita. She suspected I was hiding something. I allowed her to continue believing my subterfuge was regarding my feeling for Nikita. What I never allowed her to see was that I had my own doubts.

The little seed of doubt grew as I observed Nikita's actions during Petrosian's temporary control of Section. Her capable command at tactical command and interrogation without previous training went far beyond what her previous performance would have predicted. Most telling of all was her willingness to manipulate Walter to gain information and her masterful deception of Petrosian regarding Operations' attempted cancellation.

If before I had held her at length to avoid the suspicion of Section, I now distance myself in order to observe her action more clinically.


	3. Chapter 1 Part 3

This chapter touches slightly on: Mandatory Refusal, Half Life

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 3**

Trust will get you killed in Section.

Sometimes I want to trust Nikita. I want to believe her when she told me to trust her and then proceed to back that up by saving my life numerous times. Sometimes I want so badly to place my trust in someone. However, a life lived in Section had ingrained a deep well of paranoia in me. So much so that I don't think I can even if I tried.

I wanted to trust her when she tried to tell me of Madeline's kidnapping and when Operations sent all of Section after me. I know that had she not interfered and broke Section protocol, I would be dead and so would Madeline.

I wanted to trust her when she asked me about Rene. I couldn't break the force of habit and then she handed Rene over to Section. The seed of doubt grew even more when she did that. Sure she had just witness Rene attempting to blow up a museum courtyard filled with children. However, it wasn't like Nikita to follow the Section dogma and blindly hand him over.

She said next time I should try talking to her. But when have I ever openly shared my thoughts and fears to her, other than that night on the boat when all my guards were down.

Her remark had stung. It occurred to me she knew so little about me. After 3 years I have never opened up to her. I told her about Rene partly to voice my ambivalence of what Section wanted me to do, and also in the event I failed she would know a little about me. So that when I'm gone, someone in the world would know who I truly was.

She saved me from myself again and like the drowning man that I am I clung to my belief in her goodness, of her honesty.


	4. Chapter 1 Part 4

This chapter touches slightly on: Darkness Visible, First Mission, Soul Sacrifice, Not Was, Double Date, Fuzzy Logic, Old Habits, Inside Out

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 4**

The next few months went by and that little seed of doubt started to wither away. Nikita seem to be herself again. True she was more circumspect about voicing her misgivings, but the core of her was essentially the same.

I was proud of her for insisting that we take Peter and Sasha with us, even though we were headed straight into the war zone. I know I surprised her when I acquiesce to her demand. I couldn't tell her that Sasha big innocent eyes reminded me too much of Adam to allow me to leave her behind.

I wasn't surprised when she fought to ensure the survival of Viscano. However, I was astonished she didn't know if I was truly ruthless or pretending to be ruthless. She's observed my actions and my manipulation of her many times over the last 3 years. How could it come as a surprise to her that I've had to adapt and become ruthless in order to survive Section.

I wasn't surprised when she tried to cover for Terry. That was Nikita at her core, the need to protect the innocent. What was more innocent than an unborn baby? That she thought I might have been the father of Terry's baby showed me how little she knew of me still.

I have no recollection of when I lost my memories. From what I gathered from her few words, mission tapes, and from Walter, Nikita had covered for me to save me from cancellation. Whatever I had said or done in those 3 short days impacted Nikita's view of me and how she behaved toward me. Her dealings with me became more tender as well as distant at the same time. I was afraid to ask her and find out what caused the change.

The next few months were a nightmare and I was on edge the entire time in fear that Nikita's earlier despondency and death wish might return.

The first blow was dealt by David Fanning, a target we had both believed dead. I didn't like how ruthlessly I had to manipulate Lisa to get her to come with me. I anticipated that Nikita would be able to break free from David, but I don't deal in chance, only what I can control personally. I could deliver Lisa as David demanded, so I did. It shook Nikita once again about how ruthless I could be.

The second blow was when Section kidnapped and forced Greg Hillinger into service. It rang too closely to her own incarceration. Having a hand in personally tricking him and forcibly recruit him into Section against his will made it harder on her still.

Madeline was testing Nikita when she assigned her to be Formitz' point of contact. Knowing about his extracurricular activities, I was sure she would break Section protocol and ensure a trip into the abeyance pool. How she restrained herself from killing him outright I'll never know. I was proud of her when she managed to circumvent Section decree and rid the world of Formitz once and for all.

That insistent little kernel of doubt began to worm its way into my consciousness.

When Section was under attack by a fast spreading virus, we were left outside of it and for once completely unsupervised. The entire night in the mission van as we wait to hear news of the escalating situation back at HQ, I was running scenarios in my head on how to get Nikita free. I knew she was under a lot of strain from the events in the recent months. Had this been Nikita one year ago, she would not have hesitated to cut and run. She knew I would stay and try to save as many as I could. However, after voicing a half-hearted question of leaving, she went about trying to find a solution.

I tried to tell myself her action was the result of genuinely caring for some of the people in Section, namely Walter and Birkoff. However, the difference a year made was too glaring to go past my notice.


	5. Chapter 1 Part 5

This chapter touches slightly on: Adrian's Garden, End Game

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 5**

Since I was watching Nikita so closely, I noticed right away when something was different about her. The difference in her seemed to originate around the time Operations wanted Nikita to report directly to him during the Abe Goellner mission, which effectively terminated my role as Nikita's mentor.

After the Goellner mission, Nikita seemed even more closed off and solemn as if weighed down by too many secrets. When she disappeared and just as quickly reappeared with a hastily concocted story about how fragments of L'heur Sanguine found and grabbed her, my suspicions was on high alert. For one thing, I had checked to make sure all the remnants of L'heur Sanguine had been disbanded. Also, they were just not sophisticated enough to know about the clock, much less how to disable it and trick it to give Section false readings.

If there were any remaining doubts it was put to rest at her lack of reaction when gun fire from the aircraft came within centimeters of me. She was expecting such an attack.

I begin to follow her and caught her in a restricted level. Her story about working for Section 4 just didn't ring true. For one thing, I wasn't sure she even knew there were other sections.

I begin to wonder if someone is blackmailing her to perform functions against her will. The need to protect her warred with my loyalty to Section. Once again my long dormant conscience would not allow the possibility of her death. I offered her a way out twice. She refused.

It was a relief to find out she was under orders the entire time to fool Adrian. The relief turned to horror when she put Section on trial. With those simple words she had unwittingly signed her death warrant. If Adrian wins, the resulting cleansing will result in large casualties within Section. If Operations and Madeline win, Nikita would die.

Nikita: "Michael, any words of wisdom?"

I couldn't openly give her my opinion. My need was for her to turn against Operations and Madeline so she could save herself. I hoped the fact that I told her to run twice might factor into her decision. It didn't matter anymore that Adrian will incinerate Section and everyone within it. My only need was for her to be alive and safe.

All I could offer was a paltry "What have you seen with your own eyes?"

What have she seen in the nearly four years she's been with Section? She's seen Section's inhuman treatment of its operatives. The ruthless methods Section went about taking down terrorist. At a certain point, the end truly did not justify the means. The longer I'm in Section and witness the methods Section resort to, the more I'm disillusioned.

Of course Madeline twisted my words against me. The question wasn't whether the crimes Section committed was worse than the crimes it prevented, or that the world was a better place without the people we've brought down. The question was, whether by the very means Section resort to achieve its desired goal, whether we were in fact turning into terrorists ourselves. Section only saw numbers and not the people behind those numbers. It's easy to say kill 40 to save 1,000. Those 40 people with lives, family, hopes, and a future were still lost. I don't need the numbers to be sure of my conviction. All I have to do was to go home to the innocent mission wife and child Section and I were hurting.


	6. Chapter 1 Part 6

This chapter touches slightly on: Looking for Michael

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 6**

When Madeline ordered me to go home, I was convinced that this would be the last time I'll see Nikita. I hadn't cared that surveillance would pick up my advice to her to run and our subsequent kiss in the middle of the briefing room.

I fled Section needing to forget and I allowed myself to be lulled temporarily by the love and security offered by my mission family. I permitted myself to enjoy the company of my happy boy and the love of my gentle, innocent wife. I fooled myself into believing I'm an ordinary businessman living in the suburb with his loving family. However, Section never allows these fantasies to last long.

Madeline had downgraded the frequency of my field missions in order to strengthen the bond with Elena to pursue another attempt at reconciliation with her father. Elena was stubborn regarding the subject of her father. But I have to force myself to acknowledge the fact that I could have persuaded her to go along with my wishes earlier if I wanted to. However, from the moment Adam came into this world, I had wanted to keep him in my life. Even if that meant I would still be in Elena's life as well. That she would be blissfully oblivious to the fact that she was in a loveless marriage to a ruthless seducer and would not have the opportunity to find a man truly worthy of her.

Elena has such a capacity for love. She loved enough for the both of us. I'm forever grateful that Adam inherited his ability to love unconditionally from his mother. Sometimes I watch Adam exuberantly running around the house and I wonder which part of me was even in him.

There must have been a time I was so full of joy and love for life. All I could remember now was my bitterness after the death of my parents, the anger I had for the authorities and the idle rich, the shock and terror of having taken so many lives in that fateful bombing, the despair and hopelessness of prison, and finally the walking death of being in Section. Not even the all too brief happiness Simone and I found in each other could erase the melancholy and sadness both of us were wrapped in.

It's hard to keep those glum thoughts when I was being gifted with the love of my family, for they were my family, mission or not. Family wasn't what Madeline pretends to be, the cold embrace of Section. Family does not seek to crush the soul of its members and allow their sense of self to twist in the wind. No matter how many time Madeline says it, I cannot think of her and Operations as family.

During the weeks I was away from Section, I used my sources to keep tabs on Nikita. Each time I run the check, I held my breath in fear of the news I was dreading. By some miracle Operations and Madeline did not decide to cancel her outright. I knew it was the fear of Oversight and George finding out about Adrian that kept them from openly cancelling her.

Her time was running out. I noticed her mission frequency was increasing and the profiles had placed her in more dangerous situations as time passed. I begin running scenarios on how to get her out of this situation. George was the lynchpin of my plan. However, getting a hold of him will not be easy.

* * *

><p>I heard a knock on the door and Elena answered it. Adam, ever curious, ran to see who was at the door. I followed him to retrieve him for the game we were playing and I heard the unmistakable husky sound of Nikita's voice. I turned around, and the two halves of my life collided.<p> 


	7. Chapter 1 Part 7

This chapter touches on: Looking for Michael

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 7**

Nikita: _"Michael?"_

Nikita has been on my mind so much lately I was imagining her every where. This time when I heard the unmistakable husky sound of her voice I thought I was just hallucinating. Then I turned around and time seemed to stop. I saw the shock in her eyes, which she desperately tried to hide from Elena. She couldn't hide her emotions completely and I saw shock, betrayal, devastation, and guilt flash within a heartbeat. I moved toward the door with Adam in my arms like a man walking toward the gallows.

Elena: _"Do you know her, Michael?"_

I could hear the doubt and suspicion starting to creep into Elena's voice. I have to defuse this situation quickly before the mission was compromised.

Nikita: _"Hello."_

Michael: _"What are you doing here?"_

Nikita: _"I found out where you were and…"_

Found out where I was? She came here without Section authorization? This was worse than I feared. I quickly made up a story about a non-existent aunt to pacify Elena. She was so trusting she believed me when I bring up a person I've never mentioned before in my life. Elena invited her in and we awkwardly embraced. This embrace was light years away from the last physical contact we had inside Section. While the last time I held her in my arms was full of regret and unvoiced dreams, this one was full of suspicion and tension.

It was hard pretending to be the happy husband with her in the room. Even Elena could sense my unease when I sent Adam up to his room. Nikita did a better job of pretending to be happy seeing her long lost cousin, but every time she mentioned Adam the knot of guilt at all the silence and unspoken words between us twisted tighter. Finally Elena left the room to make tea.

Michael: _"What are you doing here?"_

Nikita: _"Is this for real?"_

I was not ready to have that discussion with her. In fact I may never be.

"_There's something going on in Section. I need your help."_

For Nikita to illegally obtained my location and come to me must mean something dire was happening to her.

"_What's the problem?"_

"_Pierce and Dechy are dead. Operations is trying to kill me. He wants to wipe out everyone who witnessed Adrian."_

Not quite, I thought to myself since that would mean Operations would come after me as well. If Operations was cleaning house, time had run out on resolving this situation. While I didn't think he would risk this blood cover mission in order to cover up Adrian's failed insurrection, I wouldn't put it past him to cancel me upon completion of the mission.

"_Who do you report to?"_

"_Ferreira."_

"_Are you working him?"_

"_Yes."_

"_When you finish your tea, make an excuse to leave. I'll send you a contact point."_

Elena called me into the kitchen to help her carry the tea tray and I was never so happy to escape from her wounded eyes and the devastation I read in them.

* * *

><p>The whole way to the meeting point I was dreading the confrontation that surely awaited me. Without the curious eyes of Elena buffering Nikita from her full reaction, I was expecting a full on tantrum of an epic proportion rivaling even the fit she had when she found out about Alec Chandler's real activities. I wouldn't be surprised if Nikita pulled her gun on me again, although this time I wasn't sure she wouldn't pull the trigger. What in fact greeted me shocked me as nothing else has for several years.<p>

"_What's going on with the wife and child?"_

"_We'll talk about it later. What's your status?"_

I expected my words to send her into a tailspin and turn her into the glorious Amazon warrior that she was. Instead she dropped the subject completed and focused on the reality of the situation that brought her to my door step. I told her to lure Ferreira to her apartment and to tell Birkoff to re-route a deep channel.

All through the restless night I ran scenarios in my head trying to figure out the best way to prevent her certain death. It was only later I wondered if I misread the emotion in her eyes when Elena answered the door. Why would there be guilt shining there?

* * *

><p>We barely managed to pull it off. With the reluctant aid of Ferreira and Birkoff's technical expertise, we managed to send a scrambled message to George confirming the sighting of Adrian in Section and the death of operatives that were present at her last meeting. It was enough to hold the suspicious eyes of Oversight over Operations and Madeline to prevent them from cancelling Nikita outright.<p>

With the immediate danger of cancellation averted, I knew it was only a matter of time before Nikita asked about the blood cover mission.

"_Michael….your marriage to Elena. What is it?"_

"_It's a mission."_

"_She an operative?"_

"_No."_

"_She doesn't know." _

"_No. We're after her father."_

"_So you're deceiving her to secure your cover? Is the child yours?"_

"_Yes."_

There was a mix of emotions revealed through her eyes. Disgust and rage at the use of an innocent, disappointment that once again I served as a Section automaton following orders, and condemnation for bringing a child into this sordid mess. Finally Nikita seemed to have made a decision about me. Judging from the disgust showing in her eyes, I'm sure I would not like whatever conclusion she had made.


	8. Chapter 1 Part 8

This chapter touches on: Someone Else's Shadow and Opening Night Jitters

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 8**

I knew Madeline was punishing my disloyalty for siding against her to protect Nikita when she stepped up efforts to find a means of getting a message to Salla Vacek from Elena. During the years of the blood cover mission, Section had taken a zero-risk strategy on Vacek's couriers and recon people to avoid casting suspicion my way. Now the kid gloves were off and Section was aggressively targeting known confidants and people with business dealings with the terrorist.

I recommended to Madeline for Nikita to be included in the mission profile as a way to neutralize the security she violated when she located my address and came to my house. Dealing with Madeline was always a challenge since she had an uncanny way of reading what I am trying to hide. Both of us were used to shielding our emotions from observers. Since we were two of a kind, we have always been more successful in reading what the other was feeling.

I was certain she could read the tension and ambivalence I was feeling as I recommend Nikita to be drawn into my other life. As for Madeline I could read the malice and threat behind her words as she revealed that she knew about the breach in security. It was a not so subtle reminder that I was constantly being monitored every day of my adult life. Not for the first time I wished I was as impetuous as Nikita was when she challenged Operations to cancel her rather than to be continued to be watched like an animal in the zoo. After being in Section for so long I was used to feeling like a caged animal.

Despite my ambivalence, my recommendation for Nikita to be inserted into my mission life was approved. It was unsettling to watch Elena and Nikita form a friendship and draw closer. It was difficult maintaining the mission persona with Nikita watching my every move with wounded eyes. The situation took a turn into nightmarish proportion when Elena suggested Nikita move in with us. Madeline did not even attempt to hide her spiteful glee when she approved for this new profile.

During the entire time I've known Nikita, I've held her at arm's length as a way to protect myself and to keep functioning. Now she was everywhere I turned watching the role I was playing of loving husband and father. It was easy to see the pain behind her eyes and I could tell she had made the mistaken conclusion that I had held myself away from her because I had been in love with my mission wife. I tried to tell her without words that this couldn't be farther from the truth, but I'm not sure she accepted that truth.

Elena was happy to find a friend in Nikita and to meet a member of my family. Elena wasn't close to her mother's family and she had accepted my story of being an only child with no close relatives. In fact, other than Walter who posed as an uncle at the beginning of the mission and some Section operatives posing as friends and family during the wedding, Elena had not met any other of my supposed family members. Now she had found a surrogate sister and she felt herself closer to me than ever before.

This false closeness, while making her more susceptible to my suggestion of reaching out to her father, also brought out her need for more physical closeness. The thought of being intimate with Elena while Nikita was living in the same house and the possibility of overhearing us was unbearable. I feigned exhaustion on most nights and jumped at the chance to invite Adam to sleep with us when he had a nightmare.

After years of no contact, it seemed the end was in sight when Elena was contacted by a representative of her father. The meet did not go as planned. Nikita questioned me when we got home: _"What happened?"_

"_He sent someone else."_

"_Did we pick him up?"_

"_No."_

"_That means they'll keep you here longer. That's good."_

"_Good?"_

"_For Adam."_

Good for Adam? Nikita in some ways was still so innocent. She actually believed that Section would let this go and that I would be left in place to raise my son. This was the first time Vacek had emerged and risked exposure. Section would never let this opportunity go. I dreaded the next possible move they would come up with knowing with certainty that it would cruel and merciless.

* * *

><p>Madeline could be diabolical. She could be cruel and heartless. When she and Operations told me of the new mission profile, I saw that I had once again underestimated them. I walked away from the perch to meet Nikita in a daze hardly believing the order I've been given.<p>

"_Nikita."_

"_Yeah."_

"_You're having dinner at my place tonight."_

"_Why?"_

"_Operations wants a confirm. You'll provide visual."_

Some of the numbness was starting to wear off. Operations didn't need visual when the entire house was wired and monitored at all time. This was another test, designed to test my loyalty to Section with the added benefit of driving a wedge between Nikita and I. I forced myself back to the present.

"_Confirm what?"_

"_They've asked me to p..poison Elena. Vacek's already begun a new wave of strikes against the West. We can't wait any longer. We have to draw him out."_

Was I trying to convince her or myself?

"_By poisoning his daughter?"_

"_Madeline thinks he's vulnerable in that area."_

"_Would you kill her to get to him?"_

Nikita still didn't understand. My life hadn't been my own since the moment I made the fateful decision of planting that bomb. She had managed to live under Section rule by pretending she still had the illusion of free will. I had given up that illusion a long time ago in order to survive.

"_The drug will only simulate fatal illness."_

"_Maybe for a couple of days. After that, she'll die."_

* * *

><p>In the end I couldn't go through with it. While I didn't love Elena the way a husband was suppose to, she was the mother of my child and had been my only family these past 7 years. I had lost count of the number of people I've killed for Section. I could not be responsible for Elena's death as well.<p>

The debrief in Madeline's office was worse than anticipated. My shield was so close to breaking that I barely restrained myself from a caustic response when she told me Operations was disappointed in me. Madeline had severely misjudged me if she thought I would care what Operations thought.

I feared the tactic they would try next.

When Birkoff informed me that Section failed to bring in Vacek based on information the courier Beckman gave, my suspicion that this was nothing but a ruse to keep me away from Elena was raised. I rushed home to find Elena unconscious on the couch. I was almost afraid to wake her for fear that my suspicions would be confirmed. I was so relieved when she woke up seeming to be okay. Unfortunately, I was right to be apprehensive. I woke up to the sound of someone being sick.

"_Elena?"_

"_I don't know what's wrong with me."_

I knew all too well what was happening to her and why. Now her only hope was for her absentee terrorist father to actually have enough of his heart left to care about the life of his daughter.

* * *

><p>Nikita found me waiting outside Elena's hospital room.<p>

"_How is she?"_

"_They don't know yet. They're doing some tests."_

"_Where's Adam?"_

"_With a neighbor."_

"_So how are you doing?"_

"_Why are you here?"_

"_Madeline sent me. She wants you to stay here in case Vacek shows. So how did it happen?"_

I could tell from her question that she feared I had gone ahead with the plan to poison Elena. In a way I was guilty since I didn't foresee Section getting to Elena while I was sent on a fool's errand.

"_Section must have gotten to her while I was on the mission. That's why they sent me out. If she dies they die."_

I could tell I had shocked her. I meant every word I said. Section had overstepped the last line drawn within my personal boundary and I was done being their machine, their marionette. I realized I had made a decision on how I wanted to live my life and for the first time in years I didn't feel like a caged animal.

* * *

><p>Time was running out for Elena. With each day she became weaker and the feeling of hopelessness grew. I was never so relieved when Vacek sent his men to get me. I put all my desperation and despair in my words and actions to try to convince him to see his daughter before it was too late.<p>

I scored a direct hit aimed where I thought he'd be the most vulnerable._ "You'll have to learn to accept the loss of your daughter just like she had to learn to accept the loss of her father."_

Vacek: _"You know I wish I had the choice to live a different life. No one else can do what needs to be done."_

"_What are you talking about? Who are you?"_

"_Apparently someone who is powerless to even help his own daughter. Go on. Return to Elena. My men will take you back."_

I made a last ditch plea for him to come back with me. He refused and with it any hope that Elena might survive. _"Why don't you come with me? So she won't die wondering if her father even cares."_

"_I can't."_

* * *

><p>The flight back was one of the longest trips I've ever taken. I kept remember the day Elena and I met, the first time she told me she loved me, our wedding day, and the day she told me I would be a father and the storm of conflicted emotions that engulfed me. I made the decision that if I couldn't save Elena, I would figure out a way to get Adam to safety and away from Section's clutches. Especially since as the only remaining blood relative of Vacek, they would seek to use him. My action will lead directly to my cancellation, but I no longer cared if I lived or died.<p>

Nikita was waiting for me when I returned. _"Is Vacek coming?"_

"_It's possible."_

"_You can't just let her die Michael. Call Walter. Get the name of whatever it was they put in that stuff and tell the doctors. It's not too late Michael. There's still time."_

I debated my decision. If I countermand Section's order and got Elena the antidote, they would immediately remove me from the mission and I would not be able to protect Adam. In the end Nikita was right, I couldn't let Elena die. As I reached for my phone I heard the hospital phone ring.

Adam: _"Daddy, he says it's Grandpa coming to see Mommy!"_

* * *

><p>Everything was ready. Adam was safely at the neighbor. Elena was recovering after being given the antidote. Section teams were in place to take down Vacek. All that was left was for Michael Sammuelle, loving husband and father to die. In a way, that was true.<p>

Vacek sweeps into the room looking like he owned the hospital. _"Hello Michael."_

"_I'm glad you came. Elena, this is your father."_

I walked toward the window giving the pair privacy as I tried to come to terms with the end of the mission. Despite the difficulty the mission had caused, on my sanity, and on my relationship with Simone, there were moments over the years that I had truly been happy.

Elena: _"I'm so glad."_

Vacek: _"About what?"_

Elena: _"Because now Adam will know his grandfather."_

Dear God! Adam. Will he remember me years later? Will he remember a time when he shadowed his daddy around the house and tried to emulate his every move? Have I shown him enough love that it was now etched into his heart? I blinked back tears and tried to focus on the mission at hand. I have to or I would not be able to function.

Vacek: _"So much we could have done together."_

Elena: _"There will still be time for that."_

I turned around at that to prepare for the next sequence.

Michael: _"Her fever dropped. The doctor said her immune system suddenly responded."_

Vacek: _"When did this happen?"_

Michael: _"A couple of hours ago. Say goodbye to Elena."_

For Elena, I broke from the script enough to allow her to say her goodbyes. When Snow came in to kill Salla Vacek, he also put to rest Michael Sammuelle. I barely felt the tranq darts impact my chest. Elena's screams were a distant echo in my head as I allow myself to fall unconscious.

* * *

><p>Operations: <em>"Thank you George. No, it was a long, hard road. We're all glad it's over. Early intel gives us an excellent projection. What's left of Vacek's organization can be handled by lower agencies. I appreciate you saying that. Yes."<em>

Madeline: _"He was pleased?"_

Operations: _"Oh yes. You should follow through with your proposal for level nine. There should be no resistance at this point."_

Madeline: _"Good."_

Operative voice: _"Sir, Michael's here."_

Operations: _"Send him in."_

There was a haze on the peripheral of my vision. All the colors in the world seemed to have bled away. I know I should make an effort to pay attention to what Operations was saying, but all I could hear was Elena's screams and the sound of Adam's laughter.

Operations: _"Congratulations. You carried off what everyone at Oversight considered an impossible task."_

Madeline: _"Elena has been released from the hospital. Physically she's fine."_

Operations: _"And of course, she and Adam will be provided for. Full package."_

Madeline: _"Would you like us to copy you on their progress reports? I think we should acknowledge the personal sacrifice Michael has made and give him some time alone."_

Operations: _"Absolutely."_

Madeline: _"You can go, Michael."_

[The following is an alternate universe scenario. Although Michael's time in LFN starts and end as a Level 5 operative, his ranking in the Section hierarchy seemed to rise in Season 3. While in Season 2 Last Night he was just "one of the candidate" to replace Operations, in Season 3 and 4 he was undoubtedly the next in line to take command. Since he falls in and out of Operations' favor, his next in line status doesn't seem to stem from Operations and rather from elsewhere like Oversight. This is why I made up this conversation. I also thought it odd that Madeline got promoted to Level 9 based on strategizing this Vacek mission, yet Michael who was the one actually in it for 7 years didn't get anything but time off. I know Section isn't an equal opportunity employer, this just seemed like fuzzy logic to me. Also, so many people defer to Michael including other Level 5 ops (Davenport, Walter, Birkoff) that it just didn't seem accurate that he was "only" a Level 5. Yes I'm rewriting LFN history. There's more where this one came from.]

Madeline: _"We may have some problems with him."_

Operations: _"Yes I suppose that might happen. Any suggestions?"_

"_I recommend we propose a promotion to Level 6 for Michael. There should be no resistance based on Michael's records and for his sacrifice and work on this Blood cover mission."_

"_How would that help?"_

"_If the promotion goes through, Michael will have added responsibilities to help distract him. It will also lower Michael's field frequency since he would be needed here and may prevent the reckless almost suicidal actions that resulted with Simone's death and Nikita's abeyance operation."_

"_Yes that might work. Go ahead and put in the proposal."_

* * *

><p>I walked away in haze, not noticing anyone around me. I was suffocating as if a great weight was sitting on my chest, pressing down with every breath. I left the concrete walls of Section and entered the world above. I walked the streets for hours without a destination in mind. I know I was running away from the grief that was trying to engulf me. I was trying to avoid the Section provided apartment. I didn't want the reminder that empty apartment would serve that I was alone once again. Before I had my family, my sister, Rene, Simone, Elena and Adam. Now there was no one waiting for me, counting on me, loving me.<p>

All I could hear was Elena's screams and the sound of Adam's laughter.


	9. Chapter 1 Part 9

This chapter touches on: Gates of Hell

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 9 **

I thought I didn't know what love was any more. That was the biggest lie of all.

I sat in the temporary quarters Section put me in, contemplating whether to just end it all. I hurt so completely that I scarcely register anything around me other than the image of my smiling boy on the television. The knowledge that somewhere in the world Adam and Elena were hurting as badly as I was compounded my misery tenfold. Not for the first time, I wished the bomb that killed so many innocent lives had taken me with it.

I had avoided thinking about what would happen at the end of the blood cover mission since the day Adam was born. Before he was conceived I did everything in my power to try to bring an end to the mission. While Elena was an intelligent and good natured companion, my heart had belonged to my real wife Simone.

Down time from Section was brief and infrequent. Even those rare moments where I could spend time with my true wife was cut short once the mission began. When we did find a way to get together, our time was bittersweet and filled with unspoken silences.

When I thought I had lost Simone, I thought seriously about taking my own life. The only thing stopping me at the time was the conviction that what awaited me in death wasn't oblivion or peace, but rather a never ceasing hell. I knew that I had not done enough penance to atone for all the evil I had committed.

When Elena told me of her pregnancy I could barely contain my fury and perform the part of a happy expectant father. I knew it was no accident that she could have become pregnant and that Section must have tampered with her birth control measures. I knew some of the anger I was feeling was showing through my Section mask as operatives scrambled out of my way as I made my way to Madeline's office.

Madeline: _"Come in Michael."_

Michael: _"Why?"_

"_It's come to our attention that your behavior lately is jeopardizing the mission as well as adversely impacted your mission efficiency."_

"_How would bringing a child in the world change that?"_

"_Our analysis indicates a pregnancy will distract Elena from your continued change in behavior. A grandchild might draw Vacek out of hiding and initiate contact."_

"_And my mission efficiency?"_

"_We believe having the responsibility for a child will curb your reckless behavior and ensure your continued cooperation."_

"_I thought Section believes having a child might alter the effectiveness of an operative."_

"_Perhaps that's the case for some operatives, but you've never fit the mold of the typical section operative. Would that be all Michael?"_

"_Someday Madeline you might regret this decision and manipulating people like chess pieces."_

I forced myself to walk away then before I acted out my desire to squeeze the life out of her with my bare hands. I resigned myself to preparing for Adam's birth and for the guilt of bringing a child into a world of deception and death.

I tried to prepare and guard my heart against my child, knowing one day I would have to walk away. All my resolve and defense melted away when I held that small defenseless little boy. Without consciously allowing it, Adam had become my reason for living. All the missions I planned, the people I killed, I now did in the hope of creating a safer world for him to grow up in.

The inevitable happened and I was forced to walk away from my family, from Adam. I could no longer be there to soothe away his little hurts, to chase away the nightmares, to make him laugh. I tried telling myself that Adam was alive somewhere in this world and I must continue trying to make the world a better place for him. All the things I tell myself are cold comfort to me and I felt like I was drowning yet again.

The gun felt heavy in my hand, but I didn't pull the trigger for the same reason as four years ago, Adam. As much as I would prefer oblivion, I could not risk not being there for Adam if he needed me.

* * *

><p>All too soon I was called back to Section, although I welcomed the chance at distraction so I wasn't alone with my thoughts. It was hard to focus on the Mihai Brevich mission. It barely registered when Operations took me off phase one to assist Birkoff in Tactical. If I was capable of laughing, I would have at Operations' idea of a pep talk.<p>

Operations: _"Michael. I know you've been through a difficult time, but Adam and Elena are being well provided for. You need to get past it."_

"_Get past losing my son?"_

"_Yes."_

"_How?"_

"_However you can. I didn't see my son grow up either because I was in a P.O.W. camp in Vietnam. It wasn't pleasant but life goes on."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes really. Get over it."_

That's rich coming from a man who used Section resources in order to ensure the life of his son, breaking mission profile in the process. I got away as quickly as I could before I gave in to the urge to punch in his face.

* * *

><p>It was Adam's birthday. My little boy turned 4 and I couldn't be there to help him celebrate and give him his present. To prevent myself from sobbing I played the lullaby I used to play to him to help him fall asleep over and over again. I noticed when Nikita came in, but I wasn't ready to see the sympathy in her eyes.<p>

Nikita: _"So what are you doing?"_

Michael: _"I'm playing the cello."_

"_Your security isn't engaged."_

"_Sometimes he couldn't go to sleep at night unless I played it for him. It's his birthday today. I bought him a present."_

"_That you can never give him?"_

"_Yes. That I can never give him."_

"_You're not well."_

"_Who is?"_

"_Brevich has a recon photo."_

"_If he comes, he comes."_

Nikita grabbed the cello from my hands forcing me to meet her eyes. The sympathy I read there spurred me to jump up and prowl around the room. Anything to avoid her knowing eyes.

"_You shouldn't have done that."_

"_Do you want to die?"_

"_What's it to you?"_

"_I'm your friend."_

"_That would be a big mistake."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because people who care about me end up dead or hurt. Simone. Elena. Adam. Don't follow their path."_

My thoughts continued on to my abandoned sister, my betrayal of Rene, countless manipulations of others on behalf of Section.

"_I follow the path of my choosing, just as they did Michael."_

"_What choice did Adam have? I've caused you enough pain already. Go while you still can."_

I had hurt Nikita countless time over the years. I don't want her getting close enough to hurt and be hurt by me ever again.

"_Michael, I understand what they've done to you. You have to find a reason to live."_

"_Where?"_

"_Wherever you can."_

She didn't understand. I had to find a reason for living too many times to count and each time that reason was taken away in the cruelest and most merciless ways. I could never find a reason for living within myself, and I couldn't live for others. I had nothing to give.

I was saved from responding when a bullet shot through the window.

"_Well, Brevich found you."_

"_I was an easy target. Would Brevich have missed? Maybe Section's playing some more games."_

"_I don't know. Michael. You have to do something please."_

"_All right."_

I really didn't want to think about the outside world any more. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts of Adam. I ignored Nikita and began playing the cello once again. I didn't hear her leave so wrapped up was I in memories.

* * *

><p>Another day, another mission to go after Brevitch. Nothing broke through my lassitude until I saw Nikita being forced into a truck at gun point. I listened as Operations and Birkoff debated the next plan of action. It was no surprise when Operations told the team to abort. I might not want Nikita to get close to avoid being hurt, but I'm not about to leave her to Brevitch to die like Section allowed Simone to be. For the first time, I disobeyed a direct order and went after Nikita.<p>

I had felt dead for the last few weeks. As I drove the motorcycle toward Nikita's coordinates, the colors that had bled away from the world slowly returned with brilliant colors. I could feel the cool air blowing against overheated skin. I could hear the steady beat of my heart and the hum or the engine beneath me. I was forced back into the land of the living and Nikita was the reason why I was dragged back from brink.

To my relief I wasn't too late to save her. After the pain loosing Adam, I was sympathetic enough to Brevich to let him know that his son was avenged before I pulled the trigger.

* * *

><p>When I walked back into Section I noticed for the first time in weeks I could breathe again within its walls. I was aware of my surrounding and the reactions of people around me. I could see the relief in Birkoff's eyes, the pity and sympathy in Walter's. Harder to swallow was the triumph in Operations' eyes. It was easy to see that the profile had been skewed, giving the team false Intel omitting the presence of a reserve team. If it wasn't for the watchful eyes of Madeline and the warning I read in them I might have reproached him for risking Nikita and the team.<p>

Nikita was waiting for me near Comm. I noticed the brilliant red of her lipstick and dress and the bright glow of her hair. Most of all I noticed the sympathy I read in her eyes made me feel welcome instead of pain. I made a conscious decision to allow her to get close. Even if in the end we will both get burned, I made a decision to live.

Michael: _"You okay?"_

Nikita: _"Yeah. You?"_

"_Better."_

"_Good. Care for coffee?"_

"_Why not?"_

"_Good."_


	10. Chapter 1 Part 10

This chapter touches on: Under the Influence, Walk on By, Threshold of Pain, Beyond the Pale

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 10**

Dying was easy, living was hard. It would have been too easy to withdraw back into myself as a defense mechanism. I had done that many times before, when I first entered Section, after the death of Simone, and during the long months when I wasn't sure if Nikita was alive or not. However, I had already made the decision to live. I owed it to myself, Adam, and Nikita to make an effort. That didn't make the transition any easier. At times I felt like a tortoise stripped of its shell, exposed and bleeding.

Madeline had once told me my ability to compartmentalize and split off my emotions was unhealthy and may cause a break down in the future. I took her advice with a grain of salt since I learned so many tricks of separating my emotions from thoughts from her. I had lived too long alone and no man is an island, entire of itself. _(quote: from John Donne)_

I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I was slowly opening up to the possibility of friendships. Nikita and I would go out for coffee a few times in the next few months. Sometimes we would sit in silence enjoying the outside air. Sometimes Nikita would tell me about her days and the latest antics by her new neighbor Mick Schtoppel.

Since she already breached Section protocol and discovered my place of residence for the second time in as many months, I asked her to help me decorate the place. I found out more than I needed to know about her eclectic sense of style. I tended toward rustic well-worn pieces of furnishing in shades of brown with function in mind. Nikita tended toward architectural abstracts with a modern sensibility. She talked me into adding a bit of color to the apartment, but I put my foot down firmly on a white lacquered sofa in geometric shape she fell in love with. I acquiesced when she found an old claw foot tub for the bathroom. I pointed out that I never took baths since showers were more functional. She threatened to knock down all the walls in my apartment including the bathroom walls if I didn't give way.

Walter and Birkoff, whether led by Nikita's example or they sense I was more approachable, also offered friendship in their own ways. Walter and I would go to a local biker's bar near his apartment. I haven't allowed myself to get drunk for years and I was unable to stop the habit of hyper vigilance restricted myself to a few beers. It was amusing to watch Walter get drunk and attempt to hit on every woman in sight. Inevitably I had to haul his old bones back to his apartment. It was the first time in years we spent any significant time together, especially after Walter saw me supposedly carry out the cancellation order on Nikita. After a few repeat performance of watching Walter get drunk, flirt shamelessly, and carting him home, he drunkenly forgave me one night.

Walter (slurring): _"I's so mad at you for letting sugar die. I blamed you but I shouda been gunning for the higher ups n'stead. I know you didn't have-a choice. You're not a bad egg Michael. I'm glad you're back in the 5% club."_

Drunken rambling aside, I was glad that Walter had let bygones be bygones.

Birkoff, being as much of an insomniac as I, would challenge me to play video games in his quarters. I prefer more intellectual games to mindless shooting games. We compromised by splitting the time spent between his video games and chess. It was his awkward way of reaching out, but I appreciated the gesture.

I also spent hours with Madeline playing chess. It was her go to method in trying to evaluate my psyche. We had spent hours playing the game when I first came to Section One and we would take up the game for years afterwards. I never did know how much of my psyche Madeline manages to glean from our games together. Sometimes I think she just wanted to play and haven't found a worthy opponent willing to play against her who was unafraid of reprisal in the event she lost.

I thought about the difference between the two people who had the most impact on my training in Section. Jurgen had preferred Go, which called for players to strive to serve both defensive and offensive purposes and choose between tactical urgency and strategic plans. Players must master concepts such as initiative, influence, and the proper timing of moves to be successful at the game.

Madeline's preference for Chess reflected her strategic preferences of setting and achieving long-term goals while tactics concentrated on immediate maneuver. While there are no pawns in Go, in Chess pawns are often used and sacrificed to achieve the endgame. To achieve endgame requires a lot of strategy and a thorough understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of the pieces left.

I thought both games demonstrated how each of them approached life inside Section. The preference of game by both master strategists had influenced my approach to mission profile and tactics.

* * *

><p>My progress to re-enter life was slow and not without pain. Sometimes Section or events outside of my control would intrude and force me to revaluate my decision. When Nikita was taken and replaced with an imposter, it was a painful process to separate my emotions from intellect in order to carry out what needed to be done. In the end, to allow Section time to locate Nikita and get the rescue team out to her location, I had to fool myself into seeing her imposter as Nikita herself.<p>

It was surreal to see what looked like Nikita strapped to a chair in the White Room bearing the red marks left by the interrogators. It fit too closely with the many nightmares of the real Nikita ending up in the same situation if she failed to live up to Section standards. I couldn't even watch as they executive the imposter. I was glad to see Nikita's humanity was still intact when she refused to execute the person who stole her identity.

As difficult as it was fooling and having to sleep with Nikita's imposter, what I had to do to Nikita for the Perez mission was excruciating. I knew I was repaying her kindness and offer of friendship by brainwashing her to fall in love with a terrorist. I knew the tentative steps toward a relationship with Nikita took a giant step back when I followed Section edict and aid in her manipulation. I remembered the confrontation as if happened yesterday.

Nikita: _"what do you think you are doing?"_

Madeline: _"What do you mean?"_

"_You manipulated me. I slept with him!"_

"_We had to make sure your cover stayed intact."_

"_So how long was this going to go on for, huh?"_

"_You'll have your own emotions back when this is over. In the mean time, don't fight it."_

Madeline: _"Come in Michael. Nikita and I have finished our debrief."_

Nikita: _"You knew it all along didn't you? Don't you ever get tired of being their errand boy Michael?"_

I deserved every recrimination she flung at me and warranted much more. The sting of the slap was much less than what I had earned. Nikita's next words explained as nothing else how she had managed to survive in Section.

Nikita: _"That's courtesy of my own free will."_

Madeline and I just looked at each other then. Free will was an illusion neither of us subscribed to after years in Section. I didn't even have to voice my opinion. Madeline already knew what I was thinking.

Madeline: _"You were right Michael, we should not have pursued chemical adjustment as an approach."_

Michael: _"Nikita performs best when she's scripted. She doesn't deal well with being manipulated."_

Madeline: _"I'll take that under advisement."_

* * *

><p>I went to Nikita's apartment after the closure of the Perez mission. I wouldn't have been surprised had she slammed the door in my face.<p>

"_Michael."_

"_Can I come in?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I came to apologize."_

"_I need more than apologies Michael I need answers."_

"_What would you like to know?"_

Nikita was close to tears: _"How could you do this to me?" _

"_I had no choice."_

"_That's not good enough."_

"_No it isn't. What do you want from me Nikita?"_

"_I need you to try to act like a human being for once and think how these little games, these little manipulations could impact me."_

"_I do think about that."_

"_But you still did it anyway."_

"_Yes."_

"_Did you hesitate at all?"_

"_Yes."_

There was a long pause as we stared at each other.

"_Will you promise me one thing Michael?"_

"_If I can."_

"_Will you promise me never to help them manipulate me like that or if you can't at least warn me?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Thank you."_

* * *

><p>It was weeks after the end of the Perez mission and my promise to Nikita before I made another overture of friendship. I wasn't surprised that Nikita turned down my offer to spend a day together. I was happy that she seemed pleased by the offer. I was glad when she came to me for help.<p>

Nikita: _"I uh…I need a favor. Something from my old life's come up."_

Michael: _"What?"_

"_My mother."_

"_What about her?"_

"_She's been looking for me. She doesn't believe I'm dead."_

"_How close is she?"_

"_She had an indirect connection to someone at MI-6. I severed it. But she'll keep trying."_

"_Have you talked to anyone in Procedures?"_

"_No. They'll take extreme action. I want to protect her, Michael."_

"_What do you want me to do?"_

Nikita had asked me to break Section policy. Section had cancelled operatives for less. However I remembered going to see my sister and her son. I knew for her to ask me she needed to protect her mother and also come to term with her. It wasn't a hard decision to make.

Nikita: _"How did it go?"_

Michael: _"She's closer than I expected. She wasn't just relying on the investigator. She has other sources."_

"_So what do we do?"_

"_She's not going to stop until she finds you."_

"_I know how this has to end. I'd just like to see her first and, uh…talk to her."_

"_You know this can't happen."_

"_Why not? Because they tell us it can't? You know that my whole life I – I lived with a mother that was a drunk. She couldn't hear me, couldn't talk to me…But the other day, when I saw her, it was like I saw her for the first time and all those horrible things…just gone. I've never seen her like that. Please…Let me do this. Please. She needs me to forgive her. That's why she's looking for me."_

There was no subterfuge between us. Her heart was in every word she said. She was hurting from the pain of growing up not truly knowing her mother. She needed to see her mother one last time or a little part of her would wither away. I couldn't deny her pain and knew I had to help her. _"I'll find a way."_

Nikita got to say her goodbyes and to find out that her mother truly cared and loved her. I remembered what she said after the Helen Wick mission: _"You know my real mother would have let them keep beating me. She would let me die."_

If there was any doubt about breaking Section procedure to help her gain closure with her mother, it was erased with this memory.

"_Michael…I just wanted to…say thank you. That's the kindest thing you've ever done for me. Thank you."_

She shocked me next when she gifted me with the lightest of kisses. Not only that, but the forgiveness I read in her eyes as we looked at each other through the window, eased some of the sorrow I felt for hurting her before.

* * *

><p>During Nikita's training and early years as an operative, she had a knack for getting herself into situations that could get her killed. I had run interference for her too many times to count and Madeline had helped dissuade Operations from outright cancelling Nikita on more than one occasion. Walter had joked to me about Nikita's nine lives. I didn't bother correcting him that it was more like 29 lives by my count. I was thankful that Nikita's luck held and we managed to retrieve Nikita and Mark from Black March.<p>

I came upon Walter beating himself up for the team's capture. _"Walter, I need you to take a look at this timer. Walter?"_

"_It was my fault."_

"_What?"_

"_The Black March Mission. The sights read high, I warned the team, but I should have made the adjustment."_

"_Why didn't you?"_

"_Wasn't time…but I should have made time."_

I knew if Walter continued down this train of thought, it would end up tormenting him and could break a man. I did what I could to ease his guilt.

"_A lot of things went wrong on that mission, the sights had nothing to do with it."_

"_You don't know that, rounds flying, split second decisions, the smallest glitch could ruin everything. What's happening to me, first I almost blow everybody up and now this?"_

I had no response to this. I looked at Walter, really looked at him for this first time in years and realized with a pang that Walter was getting older. One day he would no longer be around or be forced to retire and Section would become even more dreary and impersonal than before. I had never been good at trying to ease someone's conscience. I walked away feeling ineffectual.

* * *

><p>I had a reoccurring nightmare of Nikita being strapped to the chair in the White Room waiting for cancellation. When Nikita's imposter was cancelled, it hit a little too close to home. When Nikita was sent to abeyance for giving up the location of a substation, I couldn't think beyond ways to get her out of this situation.<p>

Nikita: _"So who do they believe?"_

Michael: _"They don't know."_

"_Well thanks for coming, but I don't see how you can help."_

Her attitude stunned me after the hint of closeness we formed dealing with her mother. I can only guess that she was hurting after trying to be a friend to Mark.

"_They located Black March, they're sending a team. I'll have Crachek brought here alive. Just tell me what you want him to say."_

"_I want him to tell the truth. That Mark gave up the substation."_

"_Fine."_

"_You don't believe me, do you?"_

"_I do believe you."_

Nikita didn't need to ask whether I believed her or not. While Nikita was compassionate and empathetic to Mark's pain, she would never have broken under interrogation at the risk of risking the lives of Section operatives. She had learned her lesson the hard way years ago when she broke under the Red Cell Interrogator.

* * *

><p>Michael: <em>"Birkoff…I'm inserting a mission parameter."<em>

Birkoff: _"This late?"_

"_Yes. I want Crachek alive."_

"_That's not consistent with the profile."_

"_Then alter the profile."_

"_Does Operations know about this?"_

"_Just do it Birkoff."_

Over the past few months Birkoff and I have formed a tentative friendship during our late night gaming sessions. We had gradually developed a mutual respect and a certain level of trust. While before he might have done what I asked out of fear, now he did out of trust.

Birkoff: _"All units listen up, we have a new parameter. We need Crachek alive. Re-station alpha team 100 meters to the north."_

Female Op: _"Birkoff, we can't change the profile now, it's too late."_

Birkoff: _"Well we're just going to have to deal with it."_

Michael: _"Good."_

Dealing with a psychopath like Crachek was an exercise in self control. Every time he took a crack at Nikita and pretended like he knew what I was thinking made me want to squeeze the life out of him. Of course he would probably thank me that too.

Crachek: _"You're here to turn the screws, if you only knew what a complete waste of time that was for both of us."_

Michael: _"You held two operatives, one of them told you the location of a substation, who was it, the man or the woman?"_

"_Who would you like it to be?"_

I echoed Nikita's words to me. Michael: _"Let's start with the truth."_

"_You look like a man with a vested interest, who would you be trying to protect, bet it's the woman. Sorry, she was the one who broke."_

I started day dreaming about all the numbers of way I'd like to kill this man. However, Crachek was no use to me or Nikita dead. _"You're lying."_

"_Prove it."_

Using a portable shock device on Crachek only caused him to kiss it and thank me. The interrogation specialists couldn't make much head way with him either. Probably one of the few times the duo had failed.

I decided to change my tactic and offer him an incentive along the lines of what he did recreationally for fun. _"Do you want to live?"_

"_Not especially."_

"_We could use you."_

"_For my expertise in torture?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I might be interested if I thought I could trust you."_

"_What do you have to lose?"_

"_How will they know I'm telling the truth?"_

"_Give the details, tell them everything that happened, they'll know."_

"_You really want the woman to live, don't you? Too bad, she was the one who broke."_

I made a last play to get the truth out of Crachek. Since he enjoyed inflicting pain and he believed he could cause the maximum amount of damage by implicating Nikita, I allowed him to think he'd won. Only after he thought Nikita had been cancelled did he begin to crow his triumph.

Crachek: _"No wait, it's all coming back to me now. It wasn't the woman who broke, it was the man, yeah. Shame it's too late."_

Nikita came into the room then. She was defiant and vindicated, but also sad that her kindness was repaid with betrayal. I was thankful that I wasn't the one who had to betray her this time. I could only hope this latest incident did not finally extinguish the compassion that was her core characteristic and that so many of us depended on. Her sincere thank you was worth all the efforts spent the last few days.

* * *

><p>I hadn't been ready for a relationship. The last few months Nikita and I have slowly been building a friendship. However, the close call on Nikita's life, the developing trust on both our parts, and mutual understanding of each other's boundary have slowly made me become aware of the desire for more.<p>

When Operations approached me outside Section surveillance regarding the mission to entrap Zalman and needing my help on developing a profile, I factored Nikita into the equation. When he quizzed me about her inclusion, I mentioned the widespread rumor in Section of our supposed relationship. I convinced him that Zalman would be suspicious if I had left her behind. My real reasoning was that I wanted to spend time outside of Section getting to know her without the ever ceasing eyes of Section watching us.

This wasn't the first time Nikita held her gun to me. At least this time it wasn't in anger. _"Michael. What's wrong?"_

"_We're getting out."_

"_How? It's impossible."_

"_I'll explain, get dressed."_

I waited on the balcony where there was no Section surveillance equipment.

"_What's this about?"_

"_It's for a mission. I'll fill you in once we get out."_

* * *

><p>Nikita: <em>"How long you think will it take them to know we've got the field router."<em>

Michael: _"Once we use it, they'll know."_

"_Then they'll come after us?"_

"_That's right."_

"_Michael are you running away because you lost a post to Zalman?"_

"_In Section, you either move up or move out."_

"_I understand that Michael, I just don't understand why you need me."_

"_I don't need you. I want you."_

I spoke the truth. I was gradually coming to terms with my need for Nikita.

* * *

><p>It was all too easy to escape from Section surveillance with the aid of the router. We made our way quickly across the rural area to put distance between us and our last known coordinates. On the way I filled Nikita in on the mission parameters.<p>

"_So the goal is for you to get captured and give up my location? Michael what if you get hurt?"_

"_Operations will ensure that Zalman doesn't get too carried away."_

"_So what do we do in the mean time?"_

I didn't answer her because I didn't know either.

The evening together was better than I had hoped. I was pleased that Nikita felt comfortable enough with me to rest her head on my lap. It had been months since we really had a chance to talk ever since the manipulation I carried out for Section. We fell back into a rhythm of comfortable silence and easy conversation.

I sensed tension from Nikita as the night grew longer. Finally we made our way up to bed.

Nikita: _"How is this going to work?"_

Michael: _"We can be careful, take things slowly."_

"_There's another option, I mean, we can live the day like it's our last."_

"_It very well could be."_

We both lay down on our backs then staring up at the ceiling. For an inexplicable reason I needed to touch her. I took her hand and held it between us. I heard Nikita sigh in contentment and slowly fell asleep.

* * *

><p>I was reluctant to leave her the next morning. I had no way of knowing how quickly Zalman could find us and I needed to make sure we were not taken together or the mission would fail. I left the serenity of the farmhouse and straight into the arms of Section.<p>

The torture at the hands of Zalman, while unpleasant, wasn't any worse than I'm used to. His method of torture spoke volumes of the type of man he was. He was afraid of getting his hands dirty, which was why he chose to use electroshock controlled by a remote. I was still debating the best approach at making it believable that I would break since none of his approaches so far would convince his audience. I should have known the ever diabolical Madeline would have come up with the perfect incentive for me to break.

Zalman: _"A very impressive showing Michael…. Oh that reminds me, before you do die, there is something I'd like you to take a look at, special presentation Michael, a live feed just for you."_

I hadn't seen Adam in over 6 months. I drank in the sight of him playing soccer, looking like a happy well adjusted boy. His hair had grown longer and the concentration on his face reminded me so much of when he played video games or when he was practicing Karate. I could barely pay attention to what Zalman was saying. I had to close my eyes to refocus on the mission at hand and to take the next step in the sequence.

Zalman: _"I know you hate me, Michael. I mean when you're someone like me, you try not to be too concerned about what other people think. So hate me, until your dying breath if you must but you may not want to take that dying breath until you're absolutely sure that your son is safe from the likes of me. Game over Michael, where's Nikita?"_

Michael: _"She's at the farmhouse, 5 km, southwest of town."_

Once Zalman had thought he'd won, it was all too easy to trick him into showing his hand and betraying Section. The man who had tortured me with such glee didn't even wait until he was strapped into the chair before he started telling everything he knew.

* * *

><p>Nikita invited me over for dinner as repayment for the dinner I had prepared in the farmhouse. I noticed that Nikita had purchased the same piece of music she played on the record player. For a brief second I fantasized that we were still at that serene place, free from Section.<p>

Michael: _"Dinner was wonderful, thank you."_

Nikita: _"Well it wasn't as good as the meal you cooked at the cabin."_

"_I liked it there."_

"_You know it can't be casual between you and me. I can't do that."_

"_I know."_

I knew what she was asking for. To grab the opportunity and really commit to being together. I hadn't been ready for a relationship, but I'm slowly starting to realize I wanted more.


	11. Chapter 1 Part 11

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE SEXUAL CONTENT AND SITUATION. DO NOT KEEP READING IF YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO.

This chapter touches slightly on: I Remember Paris and All Good Things

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 11 (NC-17)**

This part is rated NC-17. Do not read any further if you don't want to. You've been warned.

I thought nothing would shock me anymore. I've seen people come back, seemingly from the dead, enemies that are now deemed friends, manipulations that were once unthinkable being condoned and conducted. However, the week Section One security was breached and we were forced to incinerate and move to secondary base camp was a series of nasty surprises.

When Boris Tyco managed to escape from the White Room after attacking Madeline and transmitted highly sensitive Intel, he caused a security breach that was beyond anyone's imagining. It was almost bittersweet to leave Section One Headquarters for the last time.

Operations: _"You've been here for how many years, Michael? Seven?"_

Michael: _"Nine."_

I thought about the chain of events that inevitably led me to Section. The death of my parents around the time I was taking my first step into becoming an adult. Meeting Rene and succumbing to the lure of brotherhood and solidarity. The fateful bombing that took too many lives. The subsequent trial with the testimonies from bereaved love ones of the bombing victims. The days in prison, which were the darkest days of my life alone with the thoughts of the destructions I've caused. Finally, my recruitment into Section and subsequent promotion up to Section One. I have been in this location for 9 years, but my journey really begun 16 years ago.

We had to work quickly to locate the people Tyco transmitted the Directory to before they could decode the information and use it against Section. It was a nasty surprise to find out that Errol Sparks had managed to survive the self destruct detonation at their base camp 2 years ago. It brought back memories of Simone who had suffered in his hands for years before she was rediscovered. Her sacrifice was made meaningless when the object of her vengeance was spared. At least this time I got to avenge her.

* * *

><p>Over the past months I had slowly come to the realization that I wanted more out of life than the twilight I had existed in. I had risked it all to be with Simone. We both knew the risk in being together, but we thought being together outweighed the pain Section might deal out at us. In the end Simone was the one who paid the ultimate price.<p>

After she was taken, the act of opening up for more loss was unbearable and I had shuttered my heart to guard the pieces left. The past few months have taught me that I no longer wished to be alone, to be so closed off. More precisely, I no longer want to be closed off away from Nikita.

My feelings for Nikita have always been complicated. I could feel equal parts frustration, amusement, annoyance, attraction, jealousy, lust, and yes love. On my part I always had a need to protect her and to claim a piece of her affection. While her feelings for me changes wildly from week to week depending on the Section manipulation in play, always between us was awareness both sexual and emotional in nature.

Knowing the risk and what Section is capable of, I would rather put my life on the line for a moment of happiness than to live out the rest of my life in this half existence. I remember what Nikita said when she first came back into Section.

Nikita: _"I'm willing to die. As long as it means if I can live, really live for 1 day."_

I hadn't been willing to risk it all at the time. Now I found that I finally am. I just hoped that Nikita still felt the same way. I had never been more unsure of her response when I approached her during dinner. _"It's been a strange week."_

"_That's one way to put it. I don't know what was more unusual: Operations blowing up Section or you coming to dinner again."_

"_I didn't choose to stay away."_

"_But you did. So what's changed?"_

"_Maybe enough time has passed."_

"_Maybe too much time has passed, Michael."_

"_I hope not."_

"_So why are you here now?"_

"_I missed you."_

Silenced stretched between us as I waited for Nikita's response.

"_I thought you didn't want a relationship. What changed your mind?"_

"_I realized that this isn't living, this is merely surviving. I'm tired of existing day to day. I want more."_

Nikita slowly smiled: _"I want more too."_

I basked in the warmth of her smile for awhile until the need to hold her in my arms prompted me to get up and turned on the CD player. Craig Armstrong's _This Love_ filled the room with its haunting melody.

_This Love._

_This love is a strange love._

_A faded kind of Day love._

_This Love._

Michael: _"Dance with me."_

Nikita looked at me suspiciously and reluctantly stepped into my arms. I could tell she remembered the last time I had asked her to dance in her apartment. I had manipulated her back then to keep her from leaving; now I'm dancing with her for myself, for us.

"_This isn't a manipulation Nikita. This isn't a mission. This is you and me."_

I watched as she slowly smiled. A sad smile that slowly warmed until her eyes glowed with hope and happiness. We danced staring at each other eyes while the music filled the room.

_This Love._

_I think I'm going to fall again._

_And even when you held my hand._

_It didn't mean a thing this love._

Nikita echoed the words she said in the farmhouse: _"How is this going to work?"_

"_We can be careful, take things slowly."_

"_I'm tired of being careful."_

"_Me too."_

Nikita kissed me then, a gentle caressing kiss that barely brushed my lips. I returned it with several soft kisses. Then needing to taste more of her, held and deepened the kiss. She sighed softly against my mouth, breathing me in. I welcomed the invitation and ran my tongue around the seam of her lips before dipping in to taste her. Nikita moaned softly and ran her fingers through my hair as she became the aggressor and kissed me with urgency and pent up longing.

Our kiss turned frantic with both of us reaching for a better taste. Nikita started pulling roughly at my clothes needing to rid ourselves with any further barriers. I didn't want this to be rushed or hurried. I needed it to be a slow banquet of senses. I took her hands and stilled her frantic fingers and broke free from the kiss. I was further aroused by the snarl in her voice. _"Michael!"_

"_Shh…there's no rush. We have all the time in the world."_

"_We'll take it slow later. I need you to kiss me now!"_

Nikita has always been impatient. I found that I couldn't resist her this time and captured her lips again. I held nothing back and kissed her as if my life depended on it. I didn't object when Nikita practically ripped the shirt from my back. Despite the urgency, her touch was tentative as she caressed my shoulders, my chest, down to my stomach, and around my back as she drew me closer. I ran my hands under her shirt to stroke her back as our mouths mated.

I barely registered walking up the stairs to her bedroom, or standing by her bed as we took off the rest of the clothes. Finally we were lying on our sides facing each other as we stared deeply into each other eyes. I reached out and ran my finger along the fine arch of her eye brow, down over her cheek, before wrapping my hand around the nape of her neck and drawing her closer for another urgent kiss. Nikita rolled on her back and drew me down over her. I put both my hands alongside her beautiful face and buried my hands in her soft golden hair. I plundered those yielding lips over and over again until we both got a little dizzy.

I kissed a path down along her neck, pausing to inhale her fragrant hair. I couldn't wait any more as I kissed my way to her breasts and kissed a puckered nipple. I flicked the hardening bud with my tongue before taking it deep in my mouth. Nikita sank her fingers into my hair and in her passion made little whimpers that made me almost mad with need. Not wanting to neglect the other breast, I transferred my attention and ran my tongue lightly around the over sensitized bud.

"_Michael! I can't take it anymore! Please!"_

I smiled against her breasts and looked up at her glazed eyes. _"Be patient."_

"_You know I hate it when you say that!"_

"_You'll like It, I promise."_

I ignored her protests and dipped my head down to her waiting breasts. Her breathing became more labored as I kissed down to the object of my quest and tasted the sweet nectar there. I flicked my tongue over the responsive bud and watched as Nikita's skin flush with passion. I held her bucking hips still as I tasted her over and over again until she screamed my name with her release.

I kissed my way up Nikita's beautiful body and took possession of her mouths again as my hand stroke her still quivering center before dipping my fingers into the core of her. Nikita ran her hand down to my shoulders and dug her nails into my skin as she convulsed against my seeking fingers. I watched her passion flushed face as she chanted my name over and over again. Nikita opened her beautiful eyes and the feverish need I read there reflected the urgency I felt for her, always for her.

I rolled on top of her, between her trembling thighs and carefully positioned myself at that enticing entrance. I needed to know she wanted me as much as the relentless urgency I felt as I looked into her eyes. _"Please Michael."_ That was all the permission I needed and I sheathed myself deep into her slick passage.

I felt the pain of the past year melt away as I held Nikita in my arms. The completion that filled me of being with her was transcending as I took her slowly with all the gentleness I felt for this marvelous woman. With every slow and deep stroke I took us both closer to heaven.

Nikita wouldn't let me take it slow for very long though. She ran her hands over my back and up to tightened around my shoulders as she wrapped her long gorgeous legs high around my waist. She raised her hips to match every thrust and urged me to quicken the pace. I was all too happy to oblige her and started stroking more strongly and deeply within her.

I kissed her with growing desperation as she arched her body up toward me like a bow matching every strong thrust. I saw the unbearable need and love reflected in her eyes as her hips bucked against mine. Her body jerked against mine with aching shudders in response to each deep stroke and I felt her inner walls rippling tightening around me taking me closer to the edge.

I rode her faster, as she moaned, lips parted, her head tilted back. She made little growls and incoherent sounds that were almost inhuman as I hit her most sensitive spot again and again increasing the force each time. Nikita ran her nails down my back hard enough to draw blood as her passion spurred me on. Her hips bucked wildly as I rode her hard and fast, both of us completely incapable of thought. Our bodies ground against each other uncontrollably as the madness overtook us and we both screamed our release.

A long time later our labored breathing finally started to calm. Knowing that I was probably crushing her I moved to ease my weight off of her. Nikita snarled her displeasure so I wrapped my arms around her to keep us connected as I rolled us to our sides. We sighed as we stayed entwined, placing feather light kisses from time to time both unwilling to let sleep overtake us. We kept our arms wrapped around each other and I buried my face in her fragrant hair at peace for the first time in years.

I held her as she gradually fell to sleep and I succumbed to a dreamless peaceful sleep.

I woke up later that night to find myself still entwined with Nikita. I held her close as she continued to sleep. I marveled at the turn of events and the utter peace I felt at this moment cradling the woman of my dreams in my arms. Nikita had succeeded in breaking down the walls I had erected around myself, resurrected the pieces of me I thought long dead, and had won my heart completely. I made a vow then to cherish each moment we manage to be together. Slowly I fell back to sleep completely at peace with the decision.

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning when I felt Nikita starting to stir against me. It was a feeling of loss when she separated herself from me and left the bed. I instinctively knew she needed some time alone so I pretended to sleep. I sensed her staring at me from beside the bed for a long time before moving down to the kitchen to make tea. I heard her moving out to the balcony and waited for her to return. I wondered again what her decision would be. I had told her I wanted a relationship last night. I only hope she felt the same way.<p>

I heard her make herself back into the bedroom and sit down on the bed. I opened my eyes and drank in the sight of her. Nikita has never looked more beautiful before. She had soothed the tangles in her hair with her hands, but it still looked delightfully tousled. Her lips looked kiss bruised and the glow of her eyes made me want to just look at her forever.

Nikita: _"Good morning."_

"_Good morning."_

"_It feels strange. We're really together now."_

"_If we want to be."_

Nikita gifted me with the most beautiful smile and said: _"Well…I want to be."_

"_So do I."_

"_Section won't like it. What do you think they'll do?"_

I didn't care what Section decided to do. When I decided to come over, I made the conscious decision of choosing her over them. I had taken the leap to hell with consequences. I couldn't resist touching her anymore and sat up to brush her hair back from her face.

"_We'll have to see."_

I kissed her fragrant neck that still held a hint of last night's passion against the skin. It didn't take much to reignite the always simmering flames of our desire for each other. I heard Nikita's breath catch as I took her delicate ear lobe into my mouth and gently worked it with my teeth. She drew away from my touch and I looked at her in confusion.

"_MY turn."_

She pushed me back down on the bed and climbed up to straddle me. She buried her fingers almost roughly into my hair and kissed me with bruising force. After several urgent kisses we broke apart to gasp in air as we looked into each other's passion glazed eyes.

Nikita ran her hands down the length of my arms before entwining our fingers together. She lifted my arms up and pinned my hands beside my head. _"Don't move."_

She lowered her head down to mine and kissed me deeply again. I took a deep breath, trying to maintain control as she kissed her way down my body. Impatiently, she shoved aside the bed covers to find me already ready for her. The smile of eager anticipation on her face was almost my undoing as I made to move. She pinned me with a glare and reiterated: _"Don't move!"_

She ran her tongue down the hard length of me as she let go of my hands in order to lovingly caress the tight sac beneath. She ran a clever tongue around the tip, tormenting me, before taking me deep into her mouth. I couldn't suppress the moan that erupted from my chest. She sucked my shaft hard before withdrawing until only the tip remain inside that sweet mouth. She ran her tongue back and forth over the small opening at the tip before tracing lightly along the vein on the underside my shaft.

Next she turned her attention to the tight sac beneath and took each ball into her mouth, sucking it gently. She ran light fingers from the tip of my shaft down to the base before grasping it firmly and taking me deep in her mouth again. I could feel the wetness of her core against my legs and it drove me even wilder. I was thrusting slightly against her mouth with each stroke of her hand and mouth. I moaned at the sight of her loving me with those coral lips. _"Nikita."_

She looked up at me with bright feverish eyes while she sucked the length of my shaft hard, almost brutally, before reluctantly letting me go. She crawled up the length of my body like a hungry panther before settling her hips over me. She rubbed her hips against me in a circle and I almost lost control completely.

She took me slowly into her wet depth and I sank into her with a sigh. She began riding me with long, slow thrusts taking her time, rhythm slow and sensual, pulling me in completely and then withdrawing until I was almost completely out of her. She began riding me faster, harder and I could no longer keep still as I pulled her down strongly down onto my shaft.

She cried with her passion as I urged her movement faster, both of us almost mindless with pleasure. I sat up to take a hardened nipple into my mouth and sucked it hard. She was grinding her hips against me urgently wanting to get closer, to sink completely into each other. She rode me a little harder, her hips bucking against me, her inner walls milking me with each stroke.

Nikita was chanting my name like a prayer with each hard thrust. I was desperate to make her feel as out of control as I felt. I kissed my way up her body before closing my mouth over the sensitive spot on her neck. I felt her inner depth spasm around me as I reached one of my hands between our entwined bodies. I found the lip of her swollen sex and flicked at the sensitive bud there.

"_Michael, please!" _

I wrapped one arm around her hips and urged her to increase the tempo as I continued to toy with that receptive bud. Nikita was riding me ruthlessly now, bucking wildly as she forced herself down on my shaft almost brutally. With a final long hard stroke we both went over the edge and into ecstasy.

It took a long time before our racing hearts slow down to normal and we were able to breathe deeply without panting. I ran gentle hands along her back as I nuzzled her neck.

Somehow I had come out of hell straight into paradise and it was all thanks to the golden goddess in my arms. _"Nikita."_ I sighed, each syllable a benediction.

* * *

><p>Over the next few weeks Nikita and I spent every moment outside of Section together. I looked back at those weeks and there were a certain innocence and wonder to them. It was one of the happiest times of my life. We took the opportunity to get to know each other without deception or subterfuge between us.<p>

The more we got to know each other, the more differences we found. Nikita's taste in music leaned toward electronic and techno, while I preferred classical music. We did discover a mutual fondness to jazz when we stumbled across a jazz club. I liked the soulful music played from the soul and I let her drag me onto the dance floor. I didn't argue since I loved holding her in my arms.

We both loved to read but preferred vastly different genres. I preferred biographies and classical literature. Nikita admitted she loved to read "trashy romance" since they were optimistic and always ended happily. We were browsing in a used book store when Nikita caught me in the French poetry section. After I admitted my affinity for classical French poetry she made me read some to her. She loved to sit and listened to me read poetry to her for hours. It was a completely selfish act on my part since inevitably Nikita would get so aroused listening to me she would grab the book from my hands and pounced on me.

She sometimes got frustrated saying I was a closed book. I teased her and told her I'm really not that interesting and she didn't need to know how my mind worked. That spurred her to attack my back and I wrestled her down until we landed in a tangle on the ground. The lengths of our bodies flush against each other, exactly where I wanted to be.

The one thing we have in common was our insatiable need for each other. We couldn't seem to get enough of each other. The need to touch, to caress, to kiss was so strong that sometimes I completely forget my train of thought when we looked at each other.

Sometimes, despite my best intention of taking her out on a proper date, with a heated look or softest of kiss, we forgo any plans and just stay in. We split our times between her place and mine. Since Nikita helped me decorate the place, she told me she felt a little sense of ownership to it.

Nikita especially loved taking long baths in the claw-footed tub she forced me to install. I still didn't see the point of baths, but I was perfectly willing to try it with Nikita in it. Nikita would smugly mock me for doubting her choice when she picked out the tub. Her laughter soon turned to moans as I distracted her with caresses and scorching kisses.

* * *

><p>I caught Nikita sometimes with a sad, wistful look on her face. When I asked her what was bothering her she would just say nothing was wrong and tried to change the subject. The more we opened up to each other and got closer emotionally, the more I sensed something was really troubling her.<p>

"_What's wrong Nikita?"_

"_Nothing's wrong. The only thing bothering me right now is you're too far away from me."_

Nikita leaned over and kissed me. I let myself bask in the tenderness and sweetness of her kiss before pulling away. I couldn't let her distract me yet.

"_What's really going on Nikita?"_

Nikita sighs and looked down a moment before looking up with sad eyes. _"I'm just worried Michael."_

"_Worried about what?"_

"_I'm afraid that I'll lose you."_

I ran my fingers along her delicately arched eye brows and cupped her beautiful face. _"You'll never lose me Nikita."_

"_Can you promise me that, no matter what happens, what Section dishes out, you won't turn against me?"_

"_Is that what's worrying you, what Section will do?"_

"_No…I guess yes, partly. I need guarantees…"_

I interrupted her: _"There are no guarantees in life Nikita, especially not in Section. All I can promise you is that you have me for as long as we still want to be together."_

Nikita dipped her head down then and thought for a long moment before looking up, the impact of those eyes held me captive. _"I guess I'll take whatever I can get."_

I couldn't stop myself from kissing her forehead, then her nose, and finally a lingering gentle kiss to her beautiful mouth. _"I think it's worth it to give it a try."_

Nikita ran her fingers along my jaw and said with love and complete honesty shining in her eyes. _"You're worth whatever the price Michael."_

We stared into each other eyes for a long time, gauging the truth shining there before sealing our promise with a heartfelt kiss, which turned into something more, always more.


	12. Chapter 1 Part 12

This chapter touches on: All Good Things

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 12**

I knew the idyllic happiness of the few weeks Nikita and I spent together would come to an end eventually. I also knew it would most likely come at the hand of Section machinations. I was counting on Nikita's willingness to weather the storm with me. We had sealed our bond when we admitted to each other that it was worth whatever the price to see if what was between us was real and worth fighting for. Her words still rang in my ears: _"You're worth whatever the price Michael."_

I was prepared to withstand the worse that Section could dish out. What I wasn't expecting was how readily Nikita pulled back. It made me question everything we had shared and the commitment I thought we had made to each other.

The first setback came unexpectedly in the form of a temporary promotion. Thinking back it was still strange to me how Operations chose to break the news. The meeting took place in Madeline's office with her seated behind her desk, not saying a word but observing my every response. Operations must have been in a jovial mood since his tone was conciliatory and almost complimentary.

Operations: _"Madeline is very capable, but she feels, and I agree, that her strongest role lies in providing objective counsel to the person in charge. You. You've run the shop on occasion, for several hours at a time, but this time it's different. There'll be a formal change of command. You'll have full operational authority; in the event of a crisis, I won't be available."_

Michael: _"I understand."_

Operations: _"Come. Walk with me."_

I studied Madeline's expression before leaving her office. Her expression was a cross between suspicion, concern, and anger. I realized then that despite what Operations said this promotion hadn't been her idea. Either there had been a rift in Operations and Madeline's working relationship, or Operations was getting orders elsewhere. This told me more than anything else to be careful.

Operations: _"Madeline can get you up to speed on everything else. Her advice is invaluable, but the final decision is yours. Mistakes are inevitable; don't let them bother you. Learn and move on. You have command."_

The weight of the command key was heavy around my neck, a constant reminder of the new role I must play now and the need to pass this latest test.

Michael: _"I have command."_

The first test of the new leadership was the choice of who to replace me. It was an easy decision; I needed someone I could trust in the position. It was interesting getting a taste of how Madeline advised Operations. When she recommended I looked at the mission profile for the Odessa mission, I knew it was her way of alerting me to a possible backlash from the team if I promoted Nikita over Wallace. She knew it wouldn't change my position, but to forewarn me of potential dissention.

It came as no surprise that Madeline already knew of the developing relationship between Nikita and me. I had warned Nikita years ago that Section, and more accurately, Madeline would know if we were together. It was not gratifying to see my prediction come true.

Knowing Nikita's sense of fairly, I wasn't surprised when she questioned me if I took her out play to save her. She still did not know her true value to me, that she was the only one I could trust. Even if the Odessa mission profile hadn't been skewed, I would have promoted her to my former position.

Nikita: _"Michael, I have to talk to you about something. Wallace's death on the Odessa mission. You must have known the profile was skewed."_

Michael: _"Yes."_

"_I don't want special treatment."_

"_Would you prefer to be dead?"_

"_So it's true – you promoted me to keep me off the mission?"_

"_I promoted you because you're qualified and I need someone in that position I can trust."_

"_But if you treat met differently, that's unfair to the others and to me."_

She had a point. If the team thought I treated her differently in order to protect her, she wouldn't be able to do her job effectively. This was also part of the reason Madeline had warned me ahead of time.

"_What do you want?"_

"_Whether I take your place or not, I want to be back on the field."_

"_Alright."_

"_Thank you."_

The wariness and coolness shown in Nikita's eyes noticeably softened after my agreement. Nikita: _"I haven't officially congratulated you, so I'll do it now. Congratulations."_

"_Thank you."_

"_How's life at the top?"_

It was like walking on a tight rope over a pool of ravenous sharks. Michael: _"I have a lot to learn."_

"_I'll let you get back to work then."_

"_Nikita."_

I approached her then because I needed assurance that this new role I have to take on haven't changed our relationship. That are priority was still to be together. The kiss was all too brief, but it resealed our bond. I hoped that bond was strong enough to hold for the coming weeks.

* * *

><p>Meeting George for the first time was illuminating. Dealing with Operations was fairly straight forward since he was usually open with his emotions and did not pull his punches. His arsenal consists of threatening and bullying his way to the desired result. George on the other hand chooses seduction and manipulations all for the greater good. Between George and Operations, George was definitely the most lethal of the pair. He showed his shrewdness by knowing instantly that the Odessa mission was Operations' way of pacifying Oversight.<p>

George: _"What about Luigi Bergomi?"_

Michael: _"We're getting closer."_

"_The Odessa mission was a placebo wasn't it? In fact, Section has no real intention of going after him. Am I right?"_

"_We're doing what we can."_

"_Do you? Or are Madeline's words still ringing in your ears? I can imagine what she told you. Be strong! Don't let George push you too hard. Let's look past the words to the motive. Operations and Madeline are like Siamese twins. They bicker, they squabble, but they never separate. It wouldn't look good if you achieved something they couldn't so they don't want you to try. They don't think Bergomi can be taken. I do. What do you think?"_

The fact that George could pinpoint Madeline's response so accurately denotes that of the three people warring over my future in Section, George was the one hardest to fool and the one I needed to placate. I know now that no matter the difficulty, I would have to reach closure on the Bergomi mission.

"_I'll review it again."_

"_Good. Meanwhile, keep this in mind. Operations won't decide who replaces him or when it happens. Oversight will. And we want Bergomi. Quickly."_

"_We have been watching you for sometimes Michael. We've been interested in promoting you up to Oversight for many years now, but Operations always claimed you were too integral to Section One's mission to lose your services. Since your record supports that claim we've never pushed the issue. How do you feel?"_

"_I'm needed at Section."_

"_If that's how you feel we'll have to see about improving your situation at Section One. That is if we get the desired result we want with Bergomi."_

"_I'll see what I can do."_

* * *

><p>I once told Nikita that it was best to be ruthless in Section and if you're not to appear that way. She had asked me if I only appear to be ruthless. I dispelled that notion completely in that week when I ruthless drove her and Section resources in order to capture Luigi Bergomi.<p>

Nikita: _"There's been an Intel update. Bergomi's shown some activity since the attack. Birkoff thinks there's a 6% chance he knows we're coming."_

Michael: _"Increase density. Add backup."_

"_Even so Michael, we'll sustain heavy losses. And our chances of getting Bergomi out are no more than 50%."_

"_60%, 50, they're just numbers. We'll get him."_

"_I think we should abort."_

I thought about what she said for a moment then. Not to reconsider whether or not to go after Bergomi since I had already made the decision to fully commit Section resources to capture him. I thought over the entire conversation and realized that everything she had said was leading up to latest suggestion. Nikita knew capturing Bergomi was important to me. Normally she would attempt to configure the profile to prevent as many unnecessary deaths as possible, but she would never stop pursuing a target due to potential mission failure. It was obvious Madeline had talked to Nikita. Having failed to dissuade me from pulling back from the Bergomi mission, she had switched to a different tactic. That Nikita had been influenced by Madeline was both alarming and disheartening.

"_I expected betrayal from Mintz, not from you."_

"_What kind of loyalty do you want? Blind obedience or my honest opinion?"_

_Don't fail me, Nikita. You're the only person in the world I trust."_

This admission was a difficult one to make. I had not trusted anyone since Simone. Trust was never easy in Section, and I had made the leap in trusting Nikita. I could only hope that trust wasn't misplaced.

In the end Nikita came through and reached mission closure. However, I knew that her perspective of me had changed and I was no longer sure if she wanted to stay together.

Nikita: _"Seven dead more will die from injuries. A third of the upcoming missions shut down due to lack of resources. Was it worth it?"_

Michael: _"Yes."_

"_Why?"_

"_This is Section. Missions are carried out, people die. And sometimes the reasons are not always clear."_

"_Are you saying there's more to this than I know?"_

"_I'm saying the discussion's over."_

"_I don't know who you are."_

"_I'm who I've always been."_

It was the truth. I've always had a single minded focus in life as well as in Section. It was how I ended up in Section in the first place, how I survived this many years, how I operate as an operative, and now how I operate when I'm in charge. Despite opening up to Nikita the past few weeks, there was still a lot Nikita hasn't learned about me.

* * *

><p>Things were finally getting back to normal after the capture of Bergomi and Section resources re-allocated to catch up on missions that were delayed. Having passed, or failed depending on whose perspective the latest test, it was an unpleasant surprise to find Operations back at the perch.<p>

Operations: _"Madeline didn't tell you I was back?"_

Michael: _"No."_

"_She likes surprises."_

I picture a black widow in the middle of a web. Yes, Madeline thrived on surprises.

"_When I left, I asked just one thing of you. You didn't do it. Why?"_

"_Is there an answer that would satisfy you?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Then why ask?"_

"_I withdraw the question. George is very impressed with you. He can't stop talking about the mission."_

"_It was possible after all."_

"_Yes, I suppose it was. You took a big chance, choosing sides so blatantly."_

"_I wasn't trying to choose sides."_

It was the truth. I didn't support either George or Operations in their quest for dominance. I was just trying to survive the fall out. That's all you could hope to do in Section, survive.

"_The fact remains, if something happens to George, you're in trouble."_

"_And if something happens to you – even if your performance slips a bit – I may be in charge of Section."_

"_Was that statement or a threat?"_

"_Was yours?"_

"_I believe you have something that belongs to me."_

"_You have command."_

"_**I**__ have command."_

For now, I silently added.

* * *

><p>I had felt unsure of Nikita's response when I approached her previously about entering into a relationship. That was nothing compared to the trepidation I experienced knocking on her door after handing the reigns back over to Operations.<p>

"_Michael."_

"_Can I come in."_

Nikita hesitated before letting me in. This was going to be worse than what I feared.

"_I came to see how you are doing."_

"_I'm not sure Michael. This week has been really hard. I need time to think about this."_

"_Can I help?"_

"_I don't think so Michael."_

"_Would you like me to leave."_

I hoped that she would want me to stay, but I wasn't surprised when she asked me to leave.

"_Yes, I'm sorry."_

"_It's okay. Good bye Nikita."_

It was hard walking away from her, not knowing what decision she would make.


	13. Chapter 1 Part 13

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE SEXUAL CONTENT AND SITUATION. DO NOT KEEP READING IF YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO.

This chapter touches on: Third Party Ripoff

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 13 (NC-17)**

When I had decided to pursue a relationship with Nikita, I made the decision knowing that I was choosing Nikita over Section regardless of consequences. I knew Section would not tolerate being second choice for any operative. I had made the leap before when I chose Simone over Section, and we were both put through the wringers as the consequence. It was why Operations and Madeline constantly tested me this many years later. Section demands absolute obedience. Having proven, in their minds my disloyalty, they monitored me constantly.

Even knowing this, I had decided being in a relationship with Nikita was worth whatever the price I would have to pay. In the weeks I kept my distance from Nikita, I started wondering if she fully understood what she was getting into when we begin seeing each other. The vow she had made, which used to ease my doubts, now taunted me.

"_You're worth whatever the price Michael."_

I found that I couldn't be patient any longer, waiting for Nikita to make up her mind.

Nikita: _"I thought there was a briefing."_

Michael: _"Twenty minutes. I called you in early so we could talk."_

"_Oh. Okay."_

"_We should stay together."_

"_I don't think I want that anymore."_

"_You didn't like the way I acted when I had to take charge."_

"_You became a different person."_

"_No, the same person, just playing a different role. Something we all have to do in here to survive."_

"_It doesn't matter how you intellectualize it. I feel the way I feel."_

I couldn't believe that it would end this way; that her feelings for me were so changeable. After fighting for so long to be together, she wanted to end it before we could find out where it could take us. I leaned forward to kiss her, wanting to know if she would deny what was obviously between us. At the last moment she turned her head so I ended up kissing her cheek. She shook her head, her eyes full of tear and misery and left without saying a word.

* * *

><p>Madeline: <em>"Check."<em>

I moved the Rook into place to save the Queen from danger. I had been summoned to Madeline's office expecting to be briefed on a mission. Instead, I find the chess board out and Madeline with her best psychoanalyzing smile on her face. I expect she already know about Nikita pulling back and wanted to know how I'm handling things.

Madeline: _"Michael you should know better than to get emotionally involved with Nikita. You've always loved too deeply and let it impact your judgment."_

Michael: _"Is my loyalty to Section being questioned?"_

Sometimes it's exhausting navigating through the mine field in Section.

"_Just be careful Michael. Operations and I have bigger plans for you."_

"_Perhaps I'm not interested in what you have planned." I move the knight into place. "Check mate."_

"_I meant what I said Michael."_

"_I'll take it under advisement. Would that be all?"_

"_Yes. Thank you Michael."_

* * *

><p>The Veldan mission was a disaster. I still don't know why I broke position to cover Nikita. I knew she was fully capable of taking care of the incoming hostiles, but the possibility of her potentially getting hurt briefly short circuited my reasoning and heightened my protective instincts. Operations and Madeline have been waiting for a chance to take me down since the Bergomi mission. I knew they would use this opportunity against me. It was only a matter of what mode they chose to exact their revenge.<p>

I noticed Nikita was called in to see Madeline after the mission debrief. Apparently Madeline had decided to use what she considered my weakness, in the form of Nikita, against me. What she never understood was that my feelings for Nikita wasn't a weakness, but my strength since she gives me hope and a reason to continue fighting in this Section trap. Despite her current ambivalence toward me I had to find out what was said.

"_Did they talk to you?"_

"_Well, what do you mean?"_

"_Did Madeline suggest you stay away from me?"_

"_She called it a Type One Directive."_

"_And how did you respond?"_

"_I didn't."_

"_They don't want us to be together."_

"_No they don't."_

"_What about you?"_

"_I'm not sure anymore Michael. I'm not sure of anything."_

"_I told you I thought we should stay together. I haven't changed my mind. Have your feelings changed?"_

Nikita looked at me for a long moment, her eyes reflecting warring emotions of indecision, need, fear, and caring. Finally she sighed and drew closer to me to caress the line of my jaw. Her eyes were softening as she whispered _"No. I want you. That's never changed. I don't think it ever will."_

"_Good."_

Having held back for weeks waiting for Nikita to come to a decision, I was almost rough when I pulled her into my arms and kissed her hard, needed to lay a claim on her with my body. We had been standing near the door, now I walked her backwards until she leaned against the wall. I held her precious face in my hands as I kissed her mouths over and over again, ravenous with hunger.

"_Michael. I missed you."_ She buried her hands in my hair and drew me toward her, kissing me with equal hunger and need, both of us giving and taking pleasure from each other. Nikita slipped my coat off to drop on the floor and roughly pulled up my shirt to run her eager hands to the skin underneath. The feel of her hands on my bare skin was ecstasy and I reluctantly broke away from the kiss to rip my shirt off.

I leaned into Nikita, pushing her back toward the wall. Placing my hands on her hips, I pulled her strongly toward me, letting her know my desire for her. She let out a low moan at the contact and she wrapped her arms tight around my waist and kissed me with abandon. I reached down and drew one of her leg up to drape around my hip. I step closer and rubbed myself against the hollow between her legs, needing to increase her desire.

"_Michael."_ The sexy growl in her voice stoked the feverish need for her. I let her leg drop back down the ground and stepped back to look at her passion-glazed eyes. Seeing the need and desire there, I took her hand and led her up to the bedroom.

When she reached for me I cuffed her wrists. _"Michael?"_ I gave her another long deep kiss before pulling back and turning her around. I took my time undressing her slowly, taking the opportunity to kiss each inch of skin revealed, until Nikita stood in front of me gloriously naked.

"_Lay down."_ Nikita turned her head to look at me quizzically. I commanded her again: _"Lay down."_ She hesitated for a brief moment before climbing onto the bed and lying on her stomach. After undressing quickly I climbed over, straddling her.

I have always loved the long smooth line of Nikita's back. Now I gave into my desire and ran gentle hands down her back, massaging the tight muscles there until all the tension melted away. I drew her gleaming hair gently to one side, exposing the lines of her neck and leaned down to kiss her there. I kissed a line down from the lobe of her ear to the crook of her neck before nibbling and suckling her there. Her breathing was roughening while she moaned with my every kiss.

My hands stroking her back became more firm and I followed the paths and kissed her, first gently, then with more urgency. I tasted the sweet curve of her back as she moaned, _"Yes."_ My hands ran down beneath her and found her hardened nipples. I teased those hardened buds as I continue kissing her back. Nikita arched her body like a bow toward my lips and shuddered. She pleaded: _"Michael. Touch me."_

I ran a hand down between her legs to stroke her waiting core. She was already wet with her need and I stroked the delicate bud for several seconds, while she rubbed herself against my hand, moaning. I kissed my way up her back to take possession of her sweet neck again, taking her delicate ear lobe in my mouth. Her hips moved restlessly against me, brushing against my aching shaft with each stroke of my fingers.

"_Please Michael."_ I gave that delicate bud in her core another stroke before moving down and sliding a finger into her wet channel. I ran my finger along her tight wall as she shuddered, _"Michael!"_ I inserted another finger and increased the strokes, feeling her wet walls tighten around my fingers with each caress.

"_Michael. I can't…I can't wait anymore."_ My breathing was labored and I couldn't hold back any more. Placing my hands on either side of her hips, I pulled her up away from the bed onto her hands and knees. I thrust my hips forward one time, sinking myself to the base into her. The feel of her tight wet walls surrounding me was pure bliss and I paused, savoring the feel of her.

The impatient goddess in my arms had other plans in mind. She growled _"More!"_ Her words spurred my needs even further as I withdrew slightly before thrusting even deeper inside her. I held onto her hips, while giving her long, hard, possessive strokes. The cries of her need heightened my passion and made me even harder as I slid almost completely out of her slick core before claiming her again.

I kissed the line of her arched back to bite gently on her neck while I rode her harder, deep inside her. Nikita was chanting my name repeatedly as I grabbed hold of her hips and used them to help thrust faster up into her, stroking deep within her sensitive walls. Nikita arched her body into a bow to take me deeper into her urging me to thrust faster and rougher, wanting to possess her completely.

I took a delicate ear lobe into my mouth and sucked on it firmly, while moving one hand down to fondle her over-sensitized core. _"Michael!"_ She screamed her release as I stroke her through the peak with short, deep, grinding thrusts.

I didn't let her come down completely from her release before stoking her passion back up to a feverish pitch. I was stroking quickly, almost desperately into her wet core. I rubbed her sensitive bud in rhythm to each frantic thrust as Nikita moaned with each hard stroke. She twisted her body toward me in order to kiss me. I captured her lips as I thrust frantically, almost brutally into her, desperate for release. Nikita buried her hand into my hair and drew me down for an urgent kiss and with several last deep, frantic strokes, we both went over the edge.

We held the kiss as we finished riding out the climax together. Feeling completed sated, we collapsed against the bed trying to catch our breaths. Knowing I was probably crushing her, I rolled us both onto our sides, still entwined and held her close. The restlessness I felt over the last few weeks melted away as I held her in my arms. I listened as her breathing slowed as she fell asleep before succumbing to a deep, peaceful sleep.

I woke up with my arms around Nikita when the phone rang. I was feeling completely at peace for the first time in weeks and I really didn't want to leave the beautiful woman in my arms. However, the call and the reality of Section had already intruded on the peaceful night.

* * *

><p>Of all the manipulations and maneuvers Section could have taken, I really didn't expect they would choose the route they did.<p>

Perhaps because I was still dazed after spending the night at Nikita's and operating on less than 2 hours of sleep, it took me longer than usual to notice the strange configuration of the team assembled. That another team leader was on the same team wasn't unusual if there are multiple mission objectives. However, the profile revealed a simple mission that shouldn't involve so many personnel. When Davenport begins debriefing the team, I asked to confirm my suspicion and to clarify the new role I was to take.

Michael: _"Why are you running the scenario?"_

Davenport: _"The scenario? Didn't anyone tell you?"_

"_What?"_

"_This is my team."_

"_Then why was I called in?"_

"_Because you're on it. I thought you knew Michael. Sorry."_

It had to be one of Madeline's schemes. I thought again of the image of Madeline as a black widow waiting in the middle of a web. She was obviously running another psychological/behavioral profile in order to bend me to Section's will. She was treating Nikita and I like Chess pieces, moving us around the board, sacrificing an operative here, changing scenarios there. I'm tired of being a Chess piece she maneuvers. This wasn't a game to me. I have to beat her at her game if I hoped to ever have a relationship with Nikita.

Nikita: _"What's happening?"_

Michael: _"They've put Davenport in charge. It's started."_

"_I know. Why?"_

"_They want to take me down."_

The mission was straight forward and simple. I wasn't surprised to find Operations waiting for us when we arrived. Obviously the behavioral profile Madeline was running included having Operations verbally dress me down in front of Nikita. She has severely overestimated the importance such censure would have on me. Getting raked over the coals by Operations was a daily fact of life and I've always taken them with a grain of salt. You only have to worry if you've been placed on abeyance in Section.

I wasn't fazed by the dressing down, but Nikita was obviously concerned. _"You okay?"_

"_Yes. If that's the game they want to play, I'll play it."_

"_What are they trying to accomplish?"_

"_Take away my authority. They think it means something to me."_

"_And it doesn't?"_

"_Not really."_

"_So what does?"_

"_Whatever I do, I need to do it well. The best I can. That means something to me. Don't worry. Whatever they want to do to me, I can handle."_

By the time I reached my office, several operatives were moving things out of it. Madeline, like the waiting black widow, emerged with her a triumphant smile on her face.

Michael: _"What are you doing?"_

Madeline: _"Since you're not going to be performing tactical oversight, you won't be needing the space anymore."_

"_Where will I be?"_

"_On six, with everyone else."_

If Madeline thought I would be humiliated by being publically demoted and moved down to Level Six, she had severely misjudged me. After serving as Section's favorite weapon and tool for years, I was impervious to perceived insults and censors from other operatives. It was hard for people around me to trust or respect me when I could be under orders at any time by Section to use them for the sake of a mission.

* * *

><p>I wondered if Madeline had factored into her behavior profile the fact that by reducing my responsibilities, she effectively gave me more downtime that I could now spend with Nikita. Nikita had talked me into taking a bubble bath together. I will end up smelling like the flowers she used in the scented soap, but it was worth it to hold her in my arms. I tried to relax, but her questions brought the mission back into my mind. <em>"Anyone get hurt?"<em>

"_Three down, one lost."_

"_How bad were the three?"_

"_I don't know. I wasn't close enough."_

"_Are you thinking that the outcome would have been better had you been team lead?"_

"_No. Davenport's capable." _

I had worked with Davenport in the past and he has always been a good operative. While in the past he typically worked on lower priority missions as I monitored him in tactical oversight, his experience should make him more than capable for his current position.

"_Capable is okay for some missions. Others it's not."_

"_I don't want to talk about it."_

Unwillingly, I went through the mission profile again in my mind. Perhaps I would have configured the mission slightly different, maybe chosen a few different team members. There was no guarantee that the way I would approach the mission would have resulted any differently than the one that did take place. Section got along fine without me in it; it will be fine if I take a lesser role in it. Nikita's words interrupted my thoughts.

"_You're not the same. You said this wasn't going to affect you, but it has."_

"_I'll get over it."_

"_Maybe you shouldn't try to. Maybe the job means more to you."_

The job doesn't mean more to me than Nikita. What I was concerned about was that in my current position I was powerless to prevent or circumvent Section from using Nikita in a way that could impact her emotional or physical health. I'm actually surprised that Madeline chose the method she had. She should have realized I don't care about what's being done to me, but I would care a great deal if Nikita was in harm's way. Either Madeline hasn't figured out this fundamental truth about me or she actually still has boundaries that she won't cross. I filed this knowledge away to think about in the future. Right now I'm more focused on the way Nikita's hair feel lying on my chest.

Madeline's maneuvering isn't impacting me, but it was impacting Nikita. Already I could feel her pulling away. She was more worried about what was happening to me than I am myself. I needed to make sure she knew where my priority was.

"_Nikita. Do you remember what you told me when I thought it was worth it to give our relationship a try?"_

Nikita looked thoughtfully for a second before looking at me with dawning realization. _"I said you're worth whatever the price Michael."_

I caressed the line of her beautiful eye brow. _"That's how I feel about you."_

Nikita looked at me then with sadness in her eyes. _"What if the price is too high?"_

"_The price will never be too high if we're together."_

She gave me another searching look before leaning back into my arms with a sigh.

* * *

><p>All too soon we were called back into Section. The entire time we were driving in, Nikita avoided my glances and I could feel her starting to pull away. By then time we finished briefing on the mission and Nikita disappeared to see Madeline, I was feeling anxious. Perhaps she was speaking the truth when she asked if the price was too high. Was she ready to give up on us for the second time in as many weeks? I was already on edge when McDaniel chose to rub salt into the wound when he snatched the comm unit from my hands.<p>

McDaniel: _"What are you doing? That's my comm unit."_

It has been a long time since anyone challenged me. Even though Operations and Madeline have taken away my authority, I wasn't going to turn into a door mat all of the sudden. I managed to be as polite as possible while seething inside when I responded. _"No it's not."_

"_You're third team now. You shouldn't even be in prep 'til we're done."_

Nikita: _"Forget it, Michael. You can use mine."_

McDaniel: _"I would listen to her, Michael. Listen to her, listen to me, pretty much everybody – we're all above you now."_

Walter: _"What are you doing, McDaniel?"_

McDaniel: _"You know I'm just giving a little back. For five years I've been doing his grunt work and not once do I get a 'Thank you! Nice job, McDaniel!'"_

Nikita: _"That's not true."_

I couldn't allow Nikita to fight my battles this time. This could be the start of a slippery slope of how operatives treat me. If I'm to survive I need to claim my dominance despite my current status.

Michael: _"You're wrong on this one. It's mine."_ When McDaniel moved against me I grabbed him, punched him in the liver and smashed him into the table. I stopped myself from killing McDaniel before Davenport even stepped in. I recognized instantly that McDaniel was just another pawn in Madeline's scheme, a pawn she was willing to sacrifice.

Davenport: _"Hey! Let it go, Michael." When McDaniel went toward me a second time Davenport held a knife to his neck. "Michael could have killed you but he didn't. I'm not as patient as he is."_

I appreciated Davenport for diffusing the situation since in my current mood I wasn't sure I could let McDaniel live for the second time.

* * *

><p>The mission could have ended in disaster when the target changed their meeting point. I couldn't just let the mission fail despite not being in charge. Taking back command came easily with Nikita and Birkoff in sync with my every move. The uncertainty and doubt circling my mind all week fell away and I felt in control and certain of myself.<p>

That feeling of control started slipping away in the mission van on the way back. Nikita held herself stiffly seated next to me. Every time she looked at me, sadness shone in her eyes.

Davenport stopped me as we stepped out of van access. _"Michael. I couldn't do what you did out there today. I learned a lot."_

Michael: _"Thank you."_

Nikita: _"So what are you going to do now?"_

"_Let's go home."_

"_You can't deny to yourself what happened today, Michael. You're a level 5 operative. That's the only way you can live."_

"_I don't want to think about it right now."_

"_You're going to have to because when you lead missions, we survive."_

What she was saying was completely ludicrous. I've lead on plenty of missions that resulted in casualties. This was Section, there were no guarantees any of us would survive the day. Section didn't need me to boost the survival rate of its operatives.

"_We were on to something. Maybe there's another way."_

"_They're not going to let this play on for much longer. There's no other way. If we end it now, then we can at least preserve our friendship."_

Had she given up hope or the desire for us to be together? Was it really more important for her that I was in place to lead missions then for us to commit to one another?

She was trying to smile with tears in her eyes. I stroked her hair and eye brow, but she pulled away and left. I looked toward the direction she left in and thought for a long time.

I realized then that Madeline's behavioral profile hadn't been meant to affect me, but rather Nikita. She knew Nikita would be impacted by my perceived hurt and would seek to correct that pain even if it meant breaking ties with me. I conceded to Madeline's win for this game, but she won't win in the end. I will find a way for Nikita and I to be together without Section's interference.

First, I must make them think they pair have won. With each step toward the perch, I drew my Section masked more firmly in place until no emotions showed to betray me.

Operations: _"Yes, Michael?"_

Michael: _"I want my status reinstated."_

Operations: _"What about you and Nikita?"_

Michael: _"It's over."_

Operations: _"You know that it will be pointless for you to deceive me on this. Level 5 status reinstated; effective immediately."_

I left, not able to stomach the triumphant expressions on their faces.

I went to Nikita's, toward the only person who could make me happy. She might think I need to have the power and control associated with my status. I knew that wasn't what I needed, not even close.

Nikita: _"Come in."_

Michael: _"No. I just came by to tell you something. It's not over. We will be together."_

It was a promise, to her and to myself. I allowed myself to kiss her hand, knowing this was the last time I would be able to touch her for awhile. I walked away feeling determined.


	14. Chapter 1 Part 14

This chapter touches on: Any Means Necessary

**Chapter 1 Betrayal – Part 14**

Nikita is lying to me.

I've been staring at the shadow disc for a long time now. I keep twirling it over and over again, unable to decide what to do. In it will be the answer to who Nikita was betraying Section to.

I didn't want to think about who could have gotten to Nikita. If Nikita was betraying Section to a terrorist organization, I would have to hand her in. No matter how much I love her and needed her to stay alive I cannot let her continue feeding enemy information that could lead to the death of civilians.

No, I dismissed that thought quickly. Nikita would never knowingly cause the death of innocents. That went too far against her core beliefs. Then who is she reporting to, Oversight? If that's who she's reporting to then why hasn't she informed George about Adrian?

Perhaps she's reporting to another anti-terrorist agency. Who can it be and when did all of this start?

I thought back over the years. I had suspected Nikita of keeping secrets for years. Back before the Adrian's attempted take-over, all the way back to when she came back nearly 2 years ago from her recovery at the Freedom League camp.

She had said she came back for me. I didn't believe it then and now I realized that I should have trusted my instincts and investigated further. I had been too happy to find her alive, too overwhelmed by my need; I brought her back without scrutinizing how she spent the 6 months she was away from Section. Against my will I thought of the first words she said to me on the barge.

"_I thought I lost you."_

"_You never had me."_

Was she speaking the truth then?

* * *

><p>The past few weeks have put a strain on both of us. After ceding to the power game Operations and Madeline were playing on Nikita and I's personal lives, things in Section returned to normal. Missions were planned and carried out, operatives were lost, acceptable collaterals were sacrificed, and terror plots were thwarted. Life outside of Section was infinitely lonelier without the prospect of seeing Nikita, of holding her, of loving her.<p>

Normalcy inside Section took a strange turn when Operations decided to send Birkoff, who has never been trained for the field, to infiltrate Jean-Marc Rousseau and his cult Soldat de la Liberte. The profile was made stranger when it became clear that Operations decided on the mission staffing. Judging from Madeline's expression, the assignment hadn't been her idea. That Operations went against her expertise as the executive strategist and psychological profile was puzzling.

I was pondering this fissure in leadership when Birkoff barged into my office. _"Michael, tell me the truth, am I being sent into an abeyance mission?"_

One day I'm going to have a talk with Birkoff about his tendency to barge in unannounced, I responded: _"Why do you think that?"_

"_Is Operations sending me in to screw up so they can take me down and replace me with Hillinger?"_

"_If he really wanted to replace you with Hillinger, he'd just do it."_

That statement seemed to calm Birkoff for a moment, but I could tell he was still worried. _"Michael, can you try to get me out as soon as possible?"_

"_I'll do what I can."_

When Operations changed Birkoff's mission so that he would stay inside Soldat de la Liberte, I thought back to Birkoff's suspicion. While everyone in Section is expendable, something drilled into my head since the first day I entered Section, I still didn't believe Operations would sacrifice him unnecessarily. There had to be a secondary mission in play. I began looking more deeply into Rousseau and his terrorist organization. I looked up when Nikita barged in.

Nikita: _"Birkoff's mission's been changed. Operations intends to keep him in there."_

Nikita is another person I'm going to need to have a chat about barging in unannounced. Somehow my office has become therapy hour for Nikita, Birkoff, and occasionally Walter. I responded to Nikita: _"I know."_

"_You know? Well, what's the plan then? How long does Operations intend to leave him in there?"_

"_If he has to…years."_

"_Well, that could destroy Birkoff."_

"_Red Cell can destroy us. If there's a chance-"_

"_You know there's not."_

"_People survive these things."_

"_He's not you."_

"_He's not. Maybe you underestimate him."_

"_Maybe Operations has something else in mind. He has his pet, Hillinger, in place. Has it occurred to you that Operations might have ulterior motives for all this?"_

Operations has ulterior motives for almost everything he does. The problem is finding that motive, which might be difficult since Madeline seemed to be out of the loop as well. Until I find that motive I have to calm Nikita down. _"I'll look into it."_

* * *

><p>It appeared Birkoff was panicking at the prospect of a long-term cover as well when he set Nikita up for an ambush. At first I was infuriated that Birkoff risked Nikita's life, but where he chose to set her up gave me pause. It was a location Nikita had personally been inside not too long ago, which had a built-in escape path. It seemed like a ploy to get Section to think he turned instead of a real set up. If Birkoff had truly turned, he would have given away the location of Section One or would have ambushed someone he cared less about. Birkoff's ploy seemed to have convinced Operations when he ordered us to take down the terrorist organization and bring Rousseau in for interrogation.<p>

Operations: _"The Soldat de la Liberte needs to be taken out of play."_

Nikita: _"What about Birkoff?"_

Operations:_ "Birkoff's become a liability. Bring Jean-Marc in for debriefing; we'll proceed tonight."_

Nikita: _"You can't do this – Birkoff couldn't -"_

Operations: _"He's gone over Nikita. Now do you see any other way that we can deal with this?"_

Nikita: _"I see that you set him up for this. You knew he was in over his head, you knew he couldn't handle it – and when he fails, you send Michael after him."_

When have I become the grim reaper of Section? Isn't there an entire division called Housekeeping that takes care of this type of situation?

Operations: _"We have an operative who's turned. I see no further need to discuss it."_

We left the perch toward my office so I can begin profiling the mission. Nikita was still fuming about Operations' order.

Nikita: _"Michael, are you really going to do this?"_

Michael: _"I have no choice."_

Nikita: _"It's Birkoff."_

Her words reminded me of Walter's cry when Nikita was sent on the suicide mission during the Shay's mission.

Walter: _"Nikita's in there!"_

I managed to save Nikita then by warning her ahead of time, I'll have to find a way to save Birkoff this time. _"I know."_

* * *

><p>The terrorist organization wasn't equipped to hold out against trained Section operatives. We easily overcame their security and detained Rousseau. Finding Birkoff was easy, what was harder was finding a way to circumvent the profile and bring Birkoff back alive instead of cancellation on the spot.<p>

Birkoff: _"Michael, please don't do this, just listen to me, I can explain everything, please don't do this, it's not how it looks!"_

Michael: _"Request permission to bring Birkoff in for questioning."_

Madeline: _"Request granted."_

* * *

><p>Birkoff: <em>"Michael. Listen to me. I know you all think I went over, but that is what I wanted you to think."<em>

I looked up when Nikita entered before returning my attention to Birkoff. I had suspected Birkoff purposely made Section think he turned in order to return. I was not pleased with how he went about doing that so I decided to let him suffer a little longer.

Michael: _"Madeline's waiting. You have two minutes to explain."_

Birkoff: _"It was the only way out. I knew that if Operations thought I'd gone over the other side, that he'd send you in there – that I'd be too much of a risk. I knew that you'd have to come get me. Michael, I'm telling you the truth. Nikita…it was all a ruse. You have to believe me. It was the only way I could get out. If I hadn't done this, he'd have left me inside."_

Nikita's words reflected her hurt: _"You were just being clever."_

Birkoff: _"I was doing what I had to do."_

Nikita: _"Including setting me up."_

Birkoff: _"Why do you think I picked that bar? You told me yourself that you knew it well. Don't you remember telling me about that trap door behind the bar when you guys came back from the mission? I knew you had a way to get out. I knew you could look after yourself. I had to get you to convince Operations that I'd crossed over and hopefully not get you hurt. Take me to my post; I will prove it to you."_

The anger I was feeling calmed with Birkoff's admission that he had chosen the set up location based on knowledge that Nikita had a way of getting out. While I was still mad that he had taken such a risk with Nikita's life, he was doing what he's witnessed and trained to do, survive anyway he could.

I let him out of the White Room and took him back to his desk where he explained to Operations and Madeline the information he managed to get from Red Cell. I watched the pair closely as Birkoff attempted to get a stay of execution, literally in his case. Madeline appeared appeased and satisfied that her assumptions had been confirmed that Birkoff never aligned his sympathies with Rosseau. Operations appeared grim and displeased that Birkoff proved his loyalty. I remembered Birkoff's paranoia at the beginning of the mission.

Birkoff: _"Is Operations sending me in to screw up so they can take me down and replace me with Hillinger?"_

Michael: _"If he really wanted to replace you with Hillinger, he'd just do it."_

I still believed if Operations intends for Hillinger to replace Birkoff, he'd just order it. However, it appears Birkoff is in Operations' cross-hair for unknown reasons.

* * *

><p>After escorting Rosseau into containment I called Birkoff into my office and secured the room. Birkoff stood nervously in front of me. <em>"Look Michael, I'm sorry. I did what I had to do."<em>

"_I know that, Birkoff. I want to warn you I think you are right. I think Operations is trying to take you down, but I don't think it has anything to do with Hillinger."_

Birkoff looked frightened: _"What do you mean?"_

"_Just be careful."_

* * *

><p>I knew Nikita would be hurt by Birkoff risking her life in order to come back to Section. Some of what he said in the White Room about having to do what he had to must have brought up painful memories. I disregarded the Type I directive and went to her apartment.<p>

Before I got there I noticed her leaving the apartment and I followed to catch up with her. My pace slowed when I saw her entering a cathedral. Since Nikita wasn't religious, it was strange she would seek comfort there. I followed her in, just in time to see her exit through a side door. The door led to the church's cemetery. I found her standing by an above ground tomb. Before I could call out to her, I noticed her hiding something in a flower pot in front of the tomb. The strangeness of her action made me duck behind crypt so she wouldn't see me as she walked back into the cathedral.

I approached the flower pot warily. Somehow I knew whatever she had hidden in there will forever change my perception of her. I retrieved the pouch from the pot, and found a shadow disc inside.

* * *

><p>I've been staring at the shadow disc for a long time now, turning the disc over and over in my hand thinking back on Nikita's behavior for the last two years. I ran through a list of possible explanations for her to leave an encrypted disc behind, from innocent of damning.<p>

There's only one way to find out the truth.

I inserted the shadow disc gently into the slot and withdrew it immediately. I had managed to capture 7 slides from the disc. Fortifying myself with a deep breath I begin reading.

October 1999

Section operative casualty since last report: 14 operatives, 27 injuries, 4 cancellations, 8 abeyance cancellations

Collateral damage: 36

Mission frequency: 18

Mission success rate: 95%

Operations and Madeline sent Birkoff, level 5 operative, head of COMM, to infiltrate Soldat de la Liberte to gain the confidence of Jean-marc Rousseau. Profile was changed mid-mission to leave Birkoff inside the organization indefinitely, potentially causing a waste of valuable Section resource. Birkoff fooled Section into bringing him back in and provided valuable information on Red Cell.

Status with Michael unchanged. Internal Type I directive is holding.

I drew my breath sharply at this last part of the report. Nikita is reporting activities about me. The fact that she was reporting on a directive regarding our personal relationship in such clinical terms was damning.

I looked at the innocuous disc in my hand and have a sudden need to throw it against a wall and yell out in fury. I made myself place the disc back into the pouch without damaging it and set it down gently on the table.

I know now, without a shadow of doubt, Nikita is lying to me. The question is what do I do now?


	15. Chapter 2 Part 1

This chapter touches slightly on: Any Means Necessary

**Chapter 2 Discovery – Part 1**

The question is what do I do now?

If I report my suspicions to Operations and Madeline, a full inquiry would be made and Nikita would be put through an intense interrogation. Even if my suspicions prove unfounded, there will forever be a mark against her in the future, and Section might just decide to cancel her to be safe. After all if I, who have always protected her, believed her guilty, they would not hesitate to remove the problem.

No, it would be better if I find out more facts before making a decision. I carefully place a tracer in the pouch and made my way back to the cemetery to plant the shadow disc again.

I returned to Section and start running a tracing program to alert me to the package's movement. It was hard focusing my attention on the day to day work carried out in Section. However, I've always been able to separate my emotions from thoughts so that I could continue to function.

My concentration was broken when Nikita entered my office.

"_Hi. Got a minute?"_

"_Hello."_

I studied Nikita for a moment. Her eyes were rimmed red from recent tears and her face showed sadness. She glanced down at the security key pad and I obeyed her silent request and secured the room.

"_How are you?"_

"_I'm okay, just wanted to talk for a minute."_

"_Is this about Birkoff?"_

She shook her hair and then stopped. _"Yes. Why was Section so ready to sacrifice Birkoff?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_First they sent him out on a deep cover assignment he's not trained for, then they were ready to just leave him in there, and when he couldn't handle the pressure, they were ready to kill him."_

I answered truthfully: _"I don't know."_

The lost look in her eyes hardened: _"Don't know or can't tell me?"_

Her question brought back the endless circle of questions to the forefront. Nikita has always been an inquisitive person, unwilling to accept orders without explanations or justifications. Now I wonder if she had really been asking in order to fill out her reports.

The silence stretched between us. Nikita rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. _"Forget it, Michael. I don't know why I even bother asking."_

She moved to get up.

"_Nikita wait."_

She paused before leaving back into the chair.

"_What's really bothering you? Is it because Birkoff used you to get himself out of that situation?"_

Her eyes watered and her head dropped down dejectedly. _"I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't mean what I said."_

"_I know."_

She smiled wryly at me. _"It's almost a force of habit, blaming you for what goes wrong."_

"_Birkoff did what he had to do to stay alive. It's what he was taught; it's how you were taught."_

She shoved a hand in her hair in frustration and sighed again.

"_It doesn't change how he feels about you, and he did what he could to make sure you would be safe."_

"_I know. What should I do?"_

"_Let him know you forgive him, or if you can't show him that you still cared."_

She graced me with a beautiful smile, the first I've seen in days. The light of it thaw some of the icy fear that had encased my heart since the moment I discovered her betrayal.

"_See you around, Michael."_

* * *

><p>Daily life in Section seemingly returned to normal. Birkoff was still extremely skittish after the events over the past few weeks. However, some of the guilt he felt at setting up Nikita seemed to ease after Nikita extended her friendship again.<p>

That normalcy ended when the tracing program alerted me to the shadow disc's movement. The disc was taken to a private residence in Salzburg, Germany. I knew that wasn't the location of Oversight. Public record indicated a cover identity. Now I had to begin the painful process of discovering who was located at that address while not alerting them of its discovery.


	16. Chapter 2 Part 2

**Chapter 2 Discovery – Part 2** – Section skewed

Operations stormed into Madeline's office in an obvious rage: _"Do you know anything about this?"_

"_What is it, I'm busy?"_

"_I got word from Oversight that Michael is being promoted."_

"_Yes, we recommended that he should months ago after the Vacek mission."_

"_We recommended him for promotion to Level 6. George just informed me that they are promoting Michael to Level 8."_

Madeline paused in the middle of caring for her plants at Operations' declaration. _"I hadn't heard."_

"_You're the Chief Tactician; you should know these things to warn me ahead of time."_

"_I apologize. I'll work with my sources to get better Intel."_

Operations lights a cigarette and starts pacing. _"Why is George doing this? Is he intending to place Michael in charge?"_

"_I suspect the combination of Michael's blood cover as well as his performance during the Bergomi mission prompted Oversight to take a closer look at our initial recommendation. By making Michael the third highest ranking member of Section One, Oversight effectively made him the third in command, which he already was in essence."_

"_I don't like it. Michael is hard enough as it is to control. He will basically be untouchable unless we get Center's blessings."_

"_That's one way to look at it."_

"_What other way is there?"_

"_Due to his higher level, Michael will be on call at all times. This means he'll spend the majority of the time inside Section where we can keep an eye on him. Plus, he'll have a security detail every time he leaves the building, making it harder to hide his activities from us."_

Operations slowly smiled as he listened to Madeline. _"Less chance to plot our demise you mean?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Good. Why don't you work up a plan on what Michael's new responsibilities will entail."_

"_I will."_

* * *

><p>"<em>You wanted to see me?"<em>

I walked up to the perch where Operations and Madeline waited for me. It reminded me of another time when they had summoned me to inform me of Nikita's resurrection from the dead. I was instantly on guard in fear that they had discovered Nikita's deception.

"_I have some good news, Michael. Oversight has promoted you to Level 8. Congratulations are in order."_

The news came as a shock and was so far removed from what I feared. _"Thank you."_

"_Madeline has drafted a framework for your added responsibilities. Your primary duties will include Head Strategist, review of all profiled missions, and evaluation of Section trainers. You and Madeline will continue to share responsibilities in tactical overview as well as operational duties of the Section when I am away."_

I glanced over at the silent Madeline to gage her reaction. She was studying me intently as usual, but smiled warmly when our gaze met. There were no hints of warning or uneasiness in her eyes. It didn't seem like this was some sort of elaborate trap set by Section to test me. My attention returned to Operations as he continued.

"_Due to how valuable you are to the Section, you will only take on the role of Team Leader on high priority missions. The first order to business will be to promote another team leader."_

I glanced down to Comm and see the familiar blonde hair: _"Nikita."_

Operations quirked his brow at my statement: _"Typically we would promote someone with more seniority."_

"_Nikita has the experience and has proven to be more than capable of the responsibility."_

Operations inclined his head toward Madeline: _"What do you think?"_

"_I agree with Michael. Nikita is due for a promotion."_

"_Very well, set it up."_

"_Michael, I've taken the liberty of providing you with a larger quarter inside Section since you'll be spending more time here. I have also assigned a security detail for when you leave Section."_

"_That won't be necessary."_

"_Perhaps not, but that is the protocol."_

I studied Madeline at her statement. There was a hint of caution showing in her eyes warning me that my life wasn't my own anymore. Not that it ever was since the moment I entered Section.

"_Is that all?"_

"_Yes. Why don't you and Madeline go over your new responsibilities."_

"_Of course."_

* * *

><p>Words travel fast inside Section. By the time I left Madeline's office, the news of my promotion was known by all in the main level as people avoided my gaze and hurried out of my way. Of course that was normal behavior most of the time anyway. Walter flagged me down on my way back to the office. <em>"Hey, Michael. I just heard the news, congratulations."<em>

"_Thank you."_

"_Since you'll be stuck here with me, spending lots of quality time underground, I'll introduce you to a few of my babies. I got a suntan bed and a distillery hidden away in one of the sub-levels. If you get bored, I got a do-it-yourself tattoo kit as well."_

Somehow none of Walter's hobbies surprised me. _"Thank you."_

"_I'm telling you; you'll need all of those things. Maybe not the tattoo kit, but you'll definitely need my home brew. Nights in Section are long and lonely."_

I suppressed a smile and thanked Walter before quickly leaving his area.

* * *

><p>It didn't surprise me that Nikita found me next. She had not taken my sudden ascension to Operations well a few months ago. I had worried how she would handle a more permanent promotion as well as her own increased role. I glanced up as Nikita tentatively knocked on the door. <em>"Michael, you got a minute?"<em>

"_Yes."_

I automatically disabled the security inside the room and waited for her to begin.

"_I just heard the news, congratulations."_

"_Thank you."_

"_What does this mean?"_

"_I'll be spending more time inside Section."_

"_Would you be able to leave?"_

"_Yes, with a security detail."_

"_Security detail?"_

I watched as the confusion on her face gave way to anger. _"They would do anything to keep us separate won't they?"_

"_I don't believe that was their original intention, but they're certainly making the best of it."_

Nikita looked at the camera on the corner of the room before leaning forward slightly and whispered: _"You said we'll be together."_

"_We will."_

"_How?"_

"_I'll find a way."_

A small smile graced her lips and she gave me a heated glance.

"_Be patient."_

Her eyes narrowed at that: _"You know I hate it when you say that!"_

Memories of the last time I said those words to her and the passionate way she responded came to my mind. I visually caressed her: starting from her bright silky hair; down to those perfect lips that parts to sharply take in a breath; to the long line of her neck where the fast fluttering of her heartbeats was clearly evident; and back up to her eyes, which were now passionate and filled with promise on what she wanted to do if it weren't for the cameras.

"_I know. Go now."_

Nikita stood up and walked to the door. She smoothed her hair down and cast another heated glance my way. _"Find a way fast."_

"_I will."_


	17. Chapter 2 Part 3

**Chapter 2 Discovery – Part 3**

Being stuck inside Section and saddled with a security detail every time I leave certainly slowed down my efforts to identify the people Nikita was reporting to. Until the identity of the person or organization was exposed, I could not hope to pursue a relationship with Nikita. That resolve did not make the nights any less lonely from her absence.

Not that I had much opportunity to be lonely. Walter had gotten in the habit of inviting me to his quarter to sample his homemade whisky. I spent most of the time watching Walter get drunk and making sure he aimed at the correct toilet or trash receptacle when he went overboard.

I also spent hours playing Chess with Madeline, where she no longer pretended that it was an exercise in trying to gage my psychological make-up. As I long suspected, Madeline simply loved playing the game and couldn't find anyone not in awe or feared her to play.

Birkoff delighted in challenging me to various shooting video games and crowing in triumph when he manages to beat me. It was during one of the late night gaming session that gave me an idea on how to track the identity of the person Nikita was reporting to.

"_Yes! In your face!"_ Birkoff leaped up, both arms pumping in the air in triumph.

I shook my head at his exuberance. _"You know Birkoff, these games will rot your brain."_

"_You only say that because you can't beat the game master!"_ Birkoff moved in a series of muscle man poses, flexing his non-existent muscles.

"_I think we should use our time more productively. I can train you in self defense."_

Birkoff shook his head in horror: _"Oh no you don't! I don't want to give you an excuse to beat me up."_

"_You need more physical activity, away from the computer or games."_

"_Hey technology is beautiful; you just need to learn to appreciate it."_

I quirked my eye brows at that statement in amusement, while listening to Birkoff continue rhapsodizing about the joy of technology. I mostly tuned him out until something he said caught my attention.

"_The other day I located a target by placing a tag on one of their courier on a Gapa Signal. I layered it so the target doesn't pick it up on their initial sweep. You have to recycle twice before decoding…"_

"_Wait, what was that?"_

"_What was what, Michael?"_

"_Explain to me how you transferred a tag from a courier to a target."_

Birkoff's eyes light up in excitement: _"Oh that. You just…"_

* * *

><p>I got Walter to give me a thin wired tracer that I then modified. I hired an informant to track Nikita's movement, waiting for the next drop. Once the word came, it was just a matter of shaking off my security detail.<p>

The drop package was located in the exact same position as the last time, and I inserted the tracker into the bag's lining. Now I just had to wait as each person who handled the package transmitted their location on the Gapa Signal.

The tracking program followed the drop package back to the same private residence in Salzburg, Germany as the last time. Once the location was tagged, it tracked everyone leaving the compound. Those transferred targets then traced back to their homes or businesses. One name jumped out at me: Mick Schtoppel. Since Mick was a green listed informant for various terrorist organizations, the fact that his name came up did not reassure me of Nikita's innocence.

The name that did put me at ease was George from Oversight. The tag traced George's activities and locations he went to including his home, Section One, Section 8, and other locations that I identify as other sections. I have access to coordinates to all the sections, none of which was located in Salzburg. This leads me to a surprising conclusion: Nikita was reporting to Center.


	18. Chapter 2 Part 4

This chapter touches slightly on: Three Eyed Turtle

**Chapter 2 Discovery – Part 4**

It didn't slip past my attention that Operations and Madeline were playing a long game con on their adversary, George. While separately they were each behaving normally, together they generated a surface tension that was more show than real. Having observed their changed behavior, which impacted their working relationship, I could only deduce that they were performing for the cameras. Having dealt with George in the past, I knew what a dangerous adversary he was. I could only be grateful that the two were not involving me into this deception.

I took advantage of their current distraction to plot for ways so that Nikita and I could be together. Having made the discovery that Nikita was reporting to Center, while not the greatest news, at least it meant that I would not have to betray her and report her to Operations and Madeline.

I also needed to know if what was between us was real or was it orchestrated as some sort of test. I would like to believe that Nikita wasn't lying about her desires for us to be together. However, her readiness to pull back from a relationship she claimed to want since her return to Section during the weeks I served as Operations and during Madeline's Type 1 directive, made me doubt her true feelings. I only know that somehow she had become my reason for living. She had wormed her way into my heart and I had no hope of banishing her.

* * *

><p>"<em>Michael, I need your help."<em>

I looked up to find Birkoff at the door, looking apprehensive. _"What is it, Birkoff?"_

"_They're sending me out again and they're bumping Hillinger up to active status."_

Birkoff had been extremely nervous and paranoid ever since Operations attempted to hang him out to dry several weeks ago.

At my silent look Birkoff continued: _"I don't trust him. He's not ready to run a mission. He's just not."_

"_Why didn't you inform Operations and Madeline?"_

"_Operations won't listen to me."_

"_What about Madeline?"_

"_I told her of my concern, but she didn't want to listen either."_

"_What are you afraid of?"_

"_That Hillinger will somehow try to kill me on the mission."_

"_Do you think he would risk it?"_

"_He's gotten away with causing the death of a Section operative already."_

"_Why haven't you informed Operations of that?"_

Birkoff shook his head in shame at my question: _"I covered for him."_

"_Why?"_

"_I felt sorry for him and it was carelessness instead of intentional."_

"_Don't cover for him next time."_

"_I won't. What should I do?"_

I thought about it for a moment: _"Make sure to have backup tapes of the mission showing all his activities that he can't modify."_

"_What do I do if he tries to kill me?"_

"_Don't let him."_

Birkoff swallowed hard and nodded.

"_I'll be on the mission so I'll keep an eye out, but stay vigilant."_

"_Thanks, Michael."_

* * *

><p>Birkoff's paranoia must be rubbing off on me. I was edgy the entire mission sensing something was off. It was easy enough to extract the target, and I was escorting her out when I heard Birkoff over the headset.<p>

"_Hillinger, why don't I have synch on the external vid?"_

"_Looks like a sensor. I'd get on it. Can you leave the van?"_

"_Michael, are we clear?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Ok Hillinger I'm going out."_

The exchange didn't seem right to me. I handed the captive off to another operative and moved quickly toward the mission van. I got there just in time to see a man aiming at Birkoff. I quickly took him out of play and looked at Birkoff. He was cowering on top of the van.

"_That's it, no more video games for you. When we get back I'm taking you to the shooting range."_

Birkoff blinked for a few moments until some color returned to his face. _"Yeah, that's a good idea."_

* * *

><p>The team was silent on the trip back. I glanced over at Birkoff who had a set look to his face. <em>"Are you ready?"<em>

The boy who had left Section had turned into a man in front of my eyes. His eyes showed understanding of what he was about to do, as well as the repercussion. _"I'm ready."_

Birkoff made a bee line toward Comm as soon as we returned.

"_Nice try!"_

Hillinger: _"What, are you talking to me?" _

"_You're the one who tried to kill me."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_What am I talking about? It's called black track. It shows what you tried to do. Right here, you cut the surveillance loop – gave away my position. You knock out my monitor. Then you send me out to get killed. Didn't know we could do that, did you? Resident genius! He's the one that screwed up in Bucharest. I covered for him."_

I had an absurd feeling of pride watching Birkoff stand up to Hillinger. I knew some of the paranoia and uncertainty he had been feeling will be eased somewhat by the knowledge that he could handle it.

* * *

><p>Like all cockroaches, Hillinger refused to go peacefully and simply die. First, he worked on Nikita's sympathy so that she would warn him in the first abeyance mission. Then, I had to drag Nikita away from the elevator where Hillinger was trapped during the Brulois mission before the bomb detonated.<p>

Nikita's sense of compassion and humanity was an integral part of her. Sometimes her misplaced sympathy was an obstacle I had to plan around. Nikita felt guilt for having brought Hillinger into Section. What she failed to realize was that she was just carrying out orders. Had Hillinger not work against Madeline's carefully crafted plans, he would have been allowed to return. He was too dangerous to be allowed to leave. Now he was a danger to others around him, especially Birkoff.

Of course all of it was an elaborate plan to escape from Section and move up to Oversight. The fact that he was a double agent for George shouldn't have come as a surprise due to his unorthodox recruitment. It did show a surprising lack of foresight on Madeline's part that she had not calculated this contingency.

Even worse, he managed to extract a copy of the Gemstone file from the most secured area of the Section. This showed a serious hole in Section's security that I need to investigate. I need to either fix the security breach or modify it to take advantage in the future as a contingency.

Hillinger's extraction of the Gemstone file also meant that George now know of Adrian's attempted takeover, as well as the roles Nikita and I played in her capture. George was not a man who forgives easily so I know he could no longer be counted on to secure mine and Nikita's future.

Without the knowledge of Adrian to hold over Operations and Madeline, that bargaining chip was no longer on the table. Due to my promotion, it would be harder for the pair to move against me. The same couldn't be said for Nikita. Unless her reporting to Center afforded her some degree of protection, I needed to find another way to keep her safe soon.

Regardless of the doubts and uncertainty caused by her being Center's spy, I needed her to stay alive. Having chipped away at my defenses for years, I could no longer go back to the shell of a man I was when I first met her.


	19. Chapter 3 Part 1

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE SEXUAL CONTENT AND SITUATION. DO NOT KEEP READING IF YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO.

**Chapter 3 Or We Could Live – Part 1 (NC-17 Rating) **– Major HR alert

"_Sh*t! We lost him again! Madeline is going to kill us. She probably won't even wait for Housekeeping to get to us. She'll do it herself. Why the he*ll did we volunteer for this duty?"_

"_You opened your big mouth and wanted to shadow the great Michael on his downtime."_

"_I don't see you objecting? You probably wanted to follow him to his offsite living quarters so you can paw through his underwear drawer."_

"_You're an as*s hole, Percy!"_

"_And you're a lust crazed nymphomaniac, Sherry!"_

"_Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t! What do we do?"_

"_Lie and deny everything. We'll say we followed him around and he did absolutely nothing suspicious."_

"_How are we supposed to know when he gets back?"_

"_We park ourselves near Section's entrance and wait until he returns."_

"_Think she'll believe us?"_

"_If she doesn't, she'll cancel us. If we tell her we lost him, she'll cancel us. We do it my way; we just might avoid getting killed."_

"_Alright."_

* * *

><p>The air had a crisp coolness that herald the coming winter. I tilted my head back slightly to let the sun warm my skin. It's been weeks since my last down time. When Walter had offered the use of his tanning bed I thought he was joking. I couldn't have imagined how much I missed the sun being trapped 500 below ground.<p>

It was pathetically easy to shake loose from my security detail. I didn't think much of the caliber of talent of the people tasked with keeping me safe. I was grateful for their ineptitude since I get a few hours of solitude, without the ever present eyes of Section.

I made it back to my apartment to change and water the few plants still struggling to stay alive. I left quickly since I knew they had installed surveillance cameras in my apartment in my absence. Not knowing if my security detail had been briefed on my offsite quarters, I made a few evasive maneuvers to shake them. I didn't need to bother though, since it was clearly evident that they had not tracked me.

Other than work, the only distractions living inside Section were spending time with Walter, Birkoff, and Madeline. I was primarily a solitary person though and preferred to spend the time reading and listening to records. However, I had read all the books in my limited library and had grown tired of listening to the same thing. I need to take the opportunity afforded by the downtime to acquire a few new purchases.

I went into a used book store I had been to before with Nikita. Just being inside reminded me of her and the nights we spent reading to each other. The memories of a happier time were a depressing reminder of our current forced estrangement. I shook off the melancholy and walked toward the poetry section. When I drew closer I noticed a familiar blonde head crouching down looking at titles on the bottom shelf.

"_Nikita?"_

She glanced up in surprise and stood up quickly. _"Michael! What are you doing here?"_

"_I had some down time."_

"_Did you come to find me?"_

"_No, it was a coincidence."_

She smiled at that: _"I thought you don't believe in coincidence."_

"_I guess it does happen once in a while."_

She smiled warmly, her gaze lingering over my face. _"A happy coincidence then."_

I smiled in return, greedily taking in the sight of her beloved face, which was slightly flushed in excitement. The need to touch her was almost overwhelming. I stepped closer to look down at the book she was holding. _"What are you getting?"_

Nikita blushed and clutched the books to her breasts, hiding the titles: _"Nothing, just a few random books."_

I gently push the books down so I could read the titles, grazing her breasts in the process. Her sharply inhaled breath briefly distracted me as I see her breasts rise in response. _"You're reading French poetry?"_

"_I can't really read them, but…"_ She couldn't complete her sentence and her face had turned an adorable shade of pink.

"_They remind you of the nights when I read them to you?"_

She sighed: _"Yes."_

I met her embarrassed gaze and made an admission: _"I was going to get some as a reminder as well."_

She blinked a few times at my confession and gave me a glorious smile. _"Would you like to get some coffee?"_

"_I'd love to."_

We left the books behind and left the store. Nikita glanced around nervously: _"Where's your security detail?"_

"_They couldn't keep up."_

She quirked her eyebrows at that: _"You mean you evaded their watch?"_

"_Yes."_

She chuckled: _"What would Madeline say?"_

"_She'll probably assign better trained operatives next time."_

"_What happens when you shake them off as well_?"

I merely shrugged: _"I'd probably recommend they get further training, assuming she lets them live."_

She frowned at that and I cut off her objection before she could voice them. _"I need time away from being watched as well."_

Her frown eased and turned into a mischievous grin: _"You should tell them to cancel surveillance, Michael."_

Knowing where she was going I replied: _"Tell them I'd rather be cancelled rather than being watched like an animal in the zoo you mean?"_

She hooked her arm around mine and leaned in close. _"Yes."_

"_It's okay. I'm used to being watched."_

"_I don't know how you get used to that."_

"_I don't think about it."_

We walked to the café in companionable silence.

"_When do you have to go back, Michael?"_

"_Tomorrow afternoon."_

"_I've been off for a few days with nothing to do except being hassled by Mick."_

Her mention of Mick reminded me that he was one of the people tracked going to Center. I pushed that thought out of my mind to concentrate on what was more important, the woman seated next to me. _"Want me to toss him out of a moving limo again for you?"_

"Why, is that a joke Michael?"

I said with a straight face: _"No."_

Nikita just laughed her wonderful husky laugh and leaned closer to me. _"I don't want to let you go, Michael."_

"_I don't have to get back yet."_

"_That's not what I mean."_

"_I know."_

I wrapped my arm around her and caressed her shoulder. _"Do you want to go to the jazz club?"_

"_Sure."_

* * *

><p>I've always loved holding Nikita in my arms, something I don't allow myself to indulge in, ever mindful of the constant eyes watching. I buried my face in her silky hair and breathed in her sweet fragrance. She shivered slightly and tightened her arms around me. We swayed to the mellow notes of the blues music playing, joyful of this time together.<p>

She pulled back slightly so we could look into each other's eyes. It was my turn to quiver as she brushed her fingers down my face and traced it over my lips. I kissed her fingers gently and watched as the passionate fire flare in her eyes.

She bit her lips and looked at me with melting desire: _"I need to be with you, Michael."_

"_I know."_

"_Can we go to my place?"_

"_It's wired."_

"_What?"_ Her eyes narrowed in irritation.

"_I think they put in surveillance when they issued the Type 1 directive."_

Nikita let out a few choice curse words at that. _"How about your place?"_

"_It's wired too."_

"_Why?"_

"_Officially, for my security; unofficially, to keep an eye on me."_

"_Sh*t."_

We danced for a few more minutes, reluctant to let each other go. _"We can go to a hotel?"_

I was afraid that she would get offended by my suggestion. She merely smiled at my question and grabbed my hand to haul me out of the night club.

"_Where to?"_

We checked into a nearby hotel. We didn't get too far into the room before grabbing on to each other and kissing ravenously. After several heated minutes of deep kisses, we broke apart gasping for air. We start ripping each other's clothes off, desperate to rid ourselves of any barriers. Finally, we held each other, enjoying the sensation of smooth skin against hard muscles.

I walked her back toward the wall and leaned in for more kisses. It was as if I've been starving and I couldn't get enough of her sweet mouth. I pulled away and looked down at her reddened mouth and into her passionate eyes. Groaning, I leaned into to feast again.

Nikita's hands were everywhere, tunneling into my hair to pull me deeper into the kiss, running along my arms, grazing down the length of my back, and finally cupping my buttocks and pressing her hips against mine. I gasped at the sensation of her smooth skin against my hardened shaft.

"_You keep that up and we won't get to the bed."_

"_Forget the bed." _

Her sexy growl nearly made me lose control. I pulled back and held her at arm's length. I gave her a warning look when she reached for me again. I leaned down and kissed a path down to her breasts and pulled a hardened bud into my mouth. She gasped and trembled as I worked that responsive nipple. After giving it a lot of loving attention, I kissed my way to the other waiting bud.

Nikita had buried her hands into my hair and arched her breasts toward me_. "Michael."_ She chanted my name, each word caressing me. I dropped to my knees and kiss my way down to her navel, and finally to the object of my quest.

"_Michael!"_ She cried out as I tasted the sweet nectar at her core and teased the sensitive bud hidden in the fold. I lifted one of her long legs and draped it over my shoulder, opening her core to my exploration.

"_Michael! I can't-I can't wait anymore!"_

Her supporting leg was trembling and she was close to tumbling over the edge. I let her leg drop from my shoulder and stood up. I lifted her so that her legs wrapped around my waist and plunged deep into her sweet depth.

We both stopped for a moment, savoring the sweet reunion. The fire ignited between us couldn't be ignored and the timeless rhythm begins. Pushing and pulling, each taking as much pleasure as we could, mindless with pleasure.

I lost all control and was thrusting frantically into her. Afraid that I was hurting her, I tried to slow the rhythm. The golden haired goddess wouldn't let me and made that clear by digging her nails into my shoulders. I claimed her lips against as I thrust into her again and again, the fire building until it consumed us both.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hi, Michael. I'm going to be down the next few days, need anything?"<em>

"_Not right now, see you in a few days."_

Nikita smiled at my answer and left. For the past few months, we would meet any time we had downtime at the same time. I had just given her a coded message that I would have downtime soon. While the limited time we got to spend together wasn't nearly enough for either of us, it was better than the alternative.

Even that small window of opportunity might be closing soon. My inept security detail had kept the fact that they lose track of me every time we leave Section a secret. Madeline had finally got the truth out of them and threatened them with cancellation if they ever loose me again. That wouldn't bother me except she then warned me that if I evaded their watch again I would lose downtime for the next 6 months. Despite that reprimand, I was fully prepared to risk it to spend a few days with Nikita. Hopefully my security detail won't report in until after I returned to Section.

I wrapped up work as quickly as I could, packed a few items from my quarters, and left determined to lose the security detail quickly.

* * *

><p><em>*F**k! We lost him again. That's it! We're going to be cancelled for sure. Madeline told us she would personally cancel us herself."<em>

"_What do we do, Percy?"_

"_Let's go back to his quarters and see if he's just out running errands and will return."_

"_She's going to know we lied."_

"_Maybe he'll be back within a few hours."_

"_You're in serious denial, Percy."_

"_Well what's your brilliant plan?"_

Sherry just dejectedly shook her head. Either way, this might very well be the last few days she had left on earth.

"_Sh*t! Why the hell did he choose to lose us again? He was doing so good the last few times he went out."_

She thought back to the previous times they had to track him. Madeline had caught them in their lies when they were being debriefed with the simple fact that they had no idea where Michael lived. Just thinking about that encountered sent chills down her spine. They had stood in front of Madeline in her office reporting Michael's activities for the last two days.

Percy had taken the lead. _"Nothing much happened. He ran some errands, went home, and just sort of stayed in for a few days."_

Madeline had been silent for a few moments before asking point blank: _"Where does Michael live?"_

That's when both Percy and she started sweating bullets.

"_Um…he lives close to Section."_ He shot a desperate look her way in panic.

"_He lives near the St. Cloud suburb."_ She took a blind stab by throwing out the nearest neighborhood to Section.

Madeline smiled at them and she immediately knew they were done for.

"_No, he does not. Why don't you tell me what really happened the last few times you trailed him."_

Knowing continuing lying would only make it worse for them, Sherry admitted: _"We haven't been able to track him. He loses us within minutes each time he leaves."_

"_And you're only telling me now?"_

They both nodded grimly.

"_I will have a talk with Michael to make sure this behavior doesn't continue. In the mean time you both need to be retrained since he obviously got the best of you. If you ever lose him again or lie about it, you both will be cancelled immediately. You're dismissed."_

Madeline gave them Michael address before his next downtime to make it easier for them to trail him. Not that they needed it since Michael was obviously not trying to lose them this time. He had led them directly to his address and went in. A few minutes later he re-emerged wearing a leather jacket and pants while carrying a motorcycle helmet.

Sherry had nearly started hyperventilating at the sight of Michael wearing anything other than his black uniform. She nearly melted into a puddle of goo when she saw him straddle a motorcycle. Any daydreams about Michael straddling something else fled as they tried to keep up with him. Even though Michael wasn't trying to lose them, he drove like a bat out of hell and handled that motorcycle like it was a part of him.

Strangely, the story they made up for Madeline turned out to be pretty true. Michael ran a few errands and then returned home. He stayed in for the rest of the evening while they waited in the car across the street.

Sherry got bored watching Percy flipping a deck of cards into a hat. _"I'm going to go upstairs to get a better view of the perimeter."_

"_Just admit it, you want to spy on Michael and drool over him."_

She flipped him off: _"Suck it, Percy!"_

"_Go right ahead, I don't mind."_

She rolled her eyes and got out of the car. _"Contact me if anything changes."_

She walked up a few flights of stairs and broke into a vacant apartment. She looked through the binocular into Michael's loft. If she nearly hyperventilated at the sight of Michael in leather, she practically started panting when she saw him wearing jeans and a black form fitting t-shirt. _"Holy sh*t!"_

"What was that, Sherry?"

"_Um..nothing!"_ She watched as he moved around the kitchen, obviously preparing a meal. She thought to herself: A man after her own heart: dangerous, sexy, and he can cook! He put the vegetables he was cutting into a pot and put it in the oven. She nearly passed out at the view of that gorgeous butt as he bent down toward the oven.

He wiped down the counter and moved into the living room with a glass of wine. She watched as Michael reclined on the sofa reading a book while sipping the wine. It was so rare to see Michael so relaxed. He was always so reserved inside Section, like a coiled spring ready to explode into action at any moment. It was why everyone gave him a wide berth and left him alone because they know how dangerous he was.

It was always surprising whenever she see someone who didn't seem to be scared of him. It made sense that Operations and Madeline wasn't, since they have control over his life. It made less sense when she sees Walter, Birkoff, and especially Nikita behaving friendly toward him. She actually had seen those three physically touch him on occasion. Michael practically has a sign warning people to stay at least 10 feet away from him, outside of striking distance. That he allowed them within his personal space, and in the case of Nikita practically crowd him, was the reason why everyone assumed they were having an affair.

Sherry's attention jerked back to the present f**ked up situation by Perry's voice.

"_Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t! What do we do?"_

"_Guess we go back to his place and hope that he returns soon."_

* * *

><p>"<em>What are we going to do?"<em>

Nikita was running her fingers through my hair as I lay upon her chest. We've had two blissful days together, free to enjoy each other's company. The sunlight peeking through the curtains was an unhappy reminder that I had to return to Section soon.

"_I don't know."_

"_I don't think I can bear it, seeing you and not being able to touch you."_

I listened to her racing heartbeats, which were slowly calming down._ "We have to."_

She sighed and held me closer to her._ "It gets harder to let you go each time."_

I looked up at her sad eyes then: _"Do you want to stop?"_

She shook her head and smiled wistfully: _"Sometimes I want to run, just run away with you."_

"_They'll catch us."_

"_Maybe they won't get us for a few weeks. It wouldn't be a bad way to die, in your arms."_

I kissed her hand and brush it against my face: _"I can't accept that."_

She was tearing up: _"I can't watch you die either."_

I kissed her then, to lose ourselves in each other and forget what the rest of the day would bring.


	20. Chapter 3 Part 2

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE SEXUAL CONTENT AND SITUATION. DO NOT KEEP READING IF YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO.

This chapter touches slightly on: Playing with Fire

**Chapter 3 Or We Could Live – Part 2 (NC-17 Rating)**

"_Hi Walter."_

"_Hey sugar, how it going?"_

"_Not bad."_

He took a closer look at Nikita. There was a faraway look in her eyes, a slight smile on her lips, and flushed cheeks. It didn't take a genius to figure out his sugar got her heart's desire recently. Unfortunately for him, she only had her heart set on one man. His guess was confirmed when Nikita saw Michael walking toward his office. Her face flushed and her eyes brightened with happiness. As if feeling the intense gaze of his lover, Michael looked across the room and their eyes met and held for several seconds before he looked away and went into his office. Nikita gave a long sigh as Michael disappeared from view.

He lowered his voice and whispered: _"You have to be careful, Nikita."_

She looked up startled and smiled wryly: _"Was it that obvious?"_

"_Yes, and you can't react like that around Madeline or Operations."_

"_I know. Michael never could teach me how to hide my feelings."_

He chuckled at that: _"Well not a lot of people can perfect that blank mask of his. About the only person who can give him a run for his money is Madeline."_

Nikita looked at him suspiciously: _"Did she teach him that?"_

"_No. Michael came to Section with that mask firmly in place. I think Jurgen had a hand in it."_

"_Jurgen?"_

"_Yeah, he was one of Michael's trainers. I think he's partially responsible for how paranoid and on guard Michael is."_

"_Michael told me once that Jurgen trained him. He doesn't talk about it, then again he doesn't talk about a lot of things."_

"_That's just his training, sugar. He knows not to share his thoughts in order not to lose his edge."_

"_I wish he would trust me."_

"_He does, sugar. The fact that he's disobeying those in charge to be with you says how much he does."_

Nikita gave him a tremulous smile before the smile faded and she sighed.

"_Why the frown?"_

"_Michael told me he most likely won't get another downtime for 6 months."_

"_Ouch! Why's that?"_

"_Madeline told him if he shakes loose from his security detail again, she would revoke his downtime privilege."_

Walter snorted and said derisively: _"Michael doesn't need a security detail."_

Nikita smirked in response: _"Obviously."_

"_Listen, is there any way I can help?"_

"_What can you do?"_

"_Well I can on pass messages you don't want others to see."_

Nikita smiled at his offer: _"I don't want to get you in trouble."_

"_I won't. Besides, it would give this old man a thrill to be helping out young lovers."_

"_I'll ask Michael."_

"_Yeah, let me know."_

* * *

><p>I've always been able to separate what I want from what I must do. However, with Nikita I couldn't seem to be able to repress those desires. It didn't help matters when every time I see Nikita, she seemed to be undressing me with her eyes. I became extremely motivated to find a way for us to be together.<p>

I found the way almost by accident. While reviewing a mission profile, I noted a way to shorten the timeline by two hours. Working within the mission parameter, there was a way to use dark approach and take advantage of the extra hours. Once Nikita told me of Walter's offer, it was easy to figure out a way to coordinate the meet.

I knew it was only a matter of time before Madeline figured out what was going on. It was surprising how long it took her to notice. In order to act on her suspicion, she would have to catch us going off profile.

I was instantly on guard when Davenport was added to my team for the Crimson Storm mission. The entire drive to the terrorist cell, I was calculating how to drop Davenport prior to the meet and to warn Nikita. The opportunity showed itself when a terrorist approached on a motorcycle. I quickly shot the driver and took control of the bike.

"_We'll stagger approach. Stay close."_

I drove toward a bridge that had vehicle barriers. _"Birkoff, take us off follow-up."_

Birkoff: _"Michael wants to go dark."_

Operations:_ "Is that prudent?"_

Birkoff: _"Makes sense…the entire perimeter's a hot zone. And Crimson Storm has satellite tracking capabilities."_

Operations: _"Drop him."_

Birkoff: _"Dark approach granted."_

Once Section was no longer tracking, it was easy to lose Davenport behind. It was a short distance to where Nikita waited. The meet was on a boat and it reminded me of our reunion after the abeyance operation. That time, Nikita was uncertain and fearful. This time, she looked at me in anticipation.

Michael: _"We have one hour."_

The first tentative brush of her lips rouse the feverish craving I always have for her. It didn't take much to completely lose control, the slightest touch of her hands, her husky voice in desire. She reached for me and I held her hands back, not yet ready to let the fire consume me without making sure Nikita wanted this as badly as I did.

I lowered Nikita's jacket off her shoulders, baring glorious creamy skin. She leaned in to kiss me, wanting to rush me. I gently pushed her back and she looked at me with such intense need that I gave in and let her hands loose. I rocked back slightly when Nikita step forward and kissed me aggressively.

She lowered the jacket off my shoulder and pushed me back until we stood next to the containers in the middle of the room. She surprised me when she shoved me down so that I was seated on top of them. She straddled one of leg and pulled me close for a deep kiss.

Her aggressiveness broke down the last of my control and I kissed her all the pent up longing that's been keeping me on edge. We frantically pulled at each other's clothes until there were no barriers left between us. I drew her close and kissed her sensitive neck. The sound of her moans was an aphrodisiac and I drew a delicate ear lobe into my mouth.

Nikita sat down on my thigh and ground herself against me. It was my turn to groan at the feel of the wetness between her legs. I kissed a trail down to her nipple, while I caressed her elegant leg up to her wet core. I rubbed that sensitive bud as she started riding my thigh, each short stroke driving me wild.

"_Nikita."_ I chanted her name, completely out of control, needing to be as close to her as possible. Hearing the desire roughening my voice, Nikita reached down and caressed me. Each firm stroke brought me closer to completion until I tipped my head back and gave into pleasure.

She shifted to straddle me and gently guided me to her welcoming entrance. She slowly lowered herself onto my thick shaft, each inch was sheer heaven, until finally I was buried deep where I belonged. We both sighed, overwhelmed by the sensation. She started riding me, long slow strokes, pulling almost completely out, and then down to the base. Her strokes became faster, becoming rougher with each thrust, until she was riding me wildly.

The feel of her wet walls tight around me was intoxicating, as well as the view of Nikita throwing her head back in bliss. I gripped her hips and spurred her on as she took me roughly into her, stroking wildly, completely uninhibited. I reached up to caress her face, and she looked down with passion-glazed eyes and leaned down to kiss me.

She rode me faster, stroking roughly almost brutally. We were both panting in our exertion, feverishly needing to reach completion. Her hips bucked wildly, riding me ruthlessly. With the last few deep thrusts, we cried out surrendering to blissful completion.

Sanity slowly returned as we gasped to catch our breaths. We held each other close, unwilling to let go of the closeness we were feeling. I loosened Nikita's hair from the bun and fanned it out, feeling the silky strands through my fingers. I buried my face in her fragrant hair and inhaled her intoxicating scent.

Nikita sighed and ran her hands up and down my back. I could hear her racing heartbeat finally calming down as the last tremors of her release milked me. _"Michael, I love you."_

I pulled back to look into her eyes. She looked at me with love, honesty, and sadness shining in those extraordinary eyes. I knew then that I would do anything for her, to make her happy, to make her safe. I kissed her then, unable to speak the words, but feeling the reciprocating response deep within me.


	21. Chapter 3 Part 3

This chapter touches slightly on: Playing with Fire

**Chapter 3 Or We Could Live – Part 3 **

The first sign of trouble happened quickly after Nikita and I returned from her supposed capture. We had injected a drug into Nikita's system to make our cover story of her being drugged not able to be questioned feasible. While she was being checked out by medical, Birkoff took her panel before Walter could have a chance to sweep it.

Nikita came to see me as soon as she was released by medical. _"Michael, we have a problem."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Birkoff came and took my panel before Walter could sweep it. What are we going to do?"_

"_I'll look into it."_

I suspected that Birkoff was acting on behest of Madeline. This was confirmed when I talked to Walter. _"Walter, did you talk to Birkoff?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_What did he want?"_

"_He said Madeline asked him to look for intercommunication between Sections ops."_

"_Is he going to report it?"_

"_Yes. He told me he'll give me until 3:00 to turn in his report. What should we do?"_

"_I want you to cooperate with Madeline."_

"_What? No I won't do that!"_

"_All she has are meeting time and coordinates. She won't do anything without a confirm."_

"_What are you going to do?"_

"_Let me worry about it."_

"_Are you sure about this?"_

"_Yes."_

One of the benefits of having worked with Operations and Madeline for so long was that I can predict with a great deal of certainty what action they would pursue next. I suspect that they would set a trap for us so they could make a better case when they take their recommendation up to Oversight. The trick was to pretend to fall for their trap, while finding a way around it. I presented them with a plausible mission scenario that they could set their ambush.

Operations: _"I read your debrief. I see everything went according to contingency."_

"_Not everything."_

"_Is there something you want to tell me?"_

"_I've detected a secondary layer."_

"_You think there's another base camp?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Our Intel says no."_

"_I'd like to take a small recon team into the field to make sure."_

"_Who do you recommend?"_

"_Sinclair, Mignola, Nikita."_

"_I'll consider it."_

* * *

><p>Nikita: <em>"Have you spoken to Walter?"<em>

"_Yes."_

"_What are we going to do?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_And if Birkoff tells Madeline?"_

"_Deny everything."_

"_Michael, we're playing with fire."_

I kissed her hand in consolation. Nikita had a soft spot for Walter and she would not feel back to herself until he was out of the woods. I couldn't lie to her to ease her conscience. The truth was we were playing with fire, we have been since the moment we met. Even if we escape from the trap set by Operations and Madeline, we were far from being in the clear. All I know was that she was worth risking everything for.

"_I know."_

* * *

><p>I knew the trap was set when Operations cleared my follow-on mission request.<p>

Operations: _"Michael, I've approved your request for field recon."_

"_I'll inform my team."_

"_Isn't necessary. This is intelligence gathering only; I was thinking a two man team; it'll reduce our exposure."_

"_Who else did you have in mind?"_

"_Nikita."_

"_She'll work."_

"_I think so."_

Madeline was getting sloppy with her schemes. If I wasn't already wary about what they were planning, sending me out alone with Nikita would have tipped it off.

Birkoff: _"First team report."_

"_I'm detecting a Kappa signal."_

"_I'm not picking up anything."_

"_It's here. We have to disconnect."_

"_I don't think that's a good idea, Michael."_

I was grateful that Birkoff was trying to warn me in his own way. However, Nikita and I needed to carry out this charade in order delay Operations and Madeline's plans, however temporarily. _"Just do it, Birkoff."_

Operations: _"Do as he says, take them off the board. We don't want to take a chance on Navaro tunneling into the system."_

Birkoff: _"All right, first team. You're on your own."_

I waited for Nikita to join me. The warehouse overlooked the location where I suspected Navaro to be hiding. Now, it was just a matter of waiting for him to show up.

I turned around when I heard Nikita entering the warehouse. As always the sight of her takes my breath away. It didn't matter that we had been together just a few days before. It was never enough, the brief moments we manage to carve out for ourselves. The need to be with her was so much a part of me now that it was hard to breath or function without her by my side.

Nikita was staring at me as if she couldn't get enough either. It was easy to fall into the spell cast by those beautiful eyes and pretend that we weren't in the middle of one of the most dangerous mission we have been in, a mission to stay alive.

"_Nikita, we have to get ready."_

She shook her head as if clearing her thoughts and nodded. We set up the thermo scope, long distance rifle, and sensors at the window facing the Crimson Storm secondary base camp and waited.

"_Michael?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_What are we going to do when we get back?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Wouldn't they ask us about the communiqué?"_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Madeline would never give up the upper hand by letting us they know about our meets."_

"_You know her pretty well?"_

"_As much as anyone can know about Madeline."_

"_What do you think they'll do next?"_

"_They'll wait until the time is right to set another trap."_

"_When do you think that will be?"_

"_I don't know. We have to be careful."_

She took my hand and kissed it. _"I know."_

Once Navaro arrived, it was easy taking out his body guard and bringing him in. I could sense the tension and surprise when we returned. Clearly visible was animosity from Operations, cold displeasure from Madeline, and relief from Walter and Birkoff.

Birkoff: _"Sir?"_

Operations: _"What is it, Birkoff?"_

"_First team has returned. They brought back Vilas Navaro."_

"_What?"_

"_Michael was right. Navaro had a Kappa transmitter."_

I couldn't feel any satisfaction at having foiled those in charge of their plans. I knew that Nikita and I will continue to be watched and under suspicion. Worse still was knowing that we would be separated for an indeterminate amount of time.

Time was always against us. It goes by too quickly when all we want was to savor it and treasure every moment. It drags on slowly when the pain of separation was almost unbearable. Like most everything in Section, we had to learn to bear this forced time apart. At least we were not alone in our yearning.


	22. Chapter 3 Part 4

This chapter touches slightly on: On Borrowed Time

**Chapter 3 Or We Could Live – Part 4**

It's been two months, two long unbearable months since he and Nikita had a chance to be alone together without the watchful eyes of Section. It didn't help that Nikita seemed set on torturing me, showing up in sexy revealing outfits, 'accidently' bumping into me at every turn, or just generally being her usual gorgeous self.

It had gotten to the point where we would plan to meet inside Section just for brief stolen moments to reaffirm our devotion to one another. I was on my way for a rendezvous with her and it was difficult maintaining a detached mask and to walk in my usual measured pace. I hardly recognize myself, this lust crazed person, who was unable to concentrate on anything but Nikita.

I turned the corner and there was the object of my desire, looking beautiful in white, standing out in the usual black most operatives dress in. _"They haven't posted the assignments yet."_

"_So we won't be able to meet. Not enough time to form a plan."_

"_If the posting happens soon, there's still a chance."_

"_Why the delay?"_

"_Could be a hundred reasons."_

"_Could be about us."_

"_They don't know enough or they would have stopped us."_

"_Maybe we should pull back for awhile." _

Nikita said this like a challenge to do the opposite, a challenge I happily accepts as we leaned in for a kiss. As usual, one taste of those perfect lips was never enough. I wanted to devour her, take her in my arms and claim her as my own. It was difficult pulling back when I heard a distant door closing. Years of being cautious were too ingrained to ignore and I reluctant sent her away.

"_We'll be together soon. I'll make it happen. Go now."_

* * *

><p>Shortly after the Crimson Storm mission, Operations and Madeline have set several traps in the attempt to catch Nikita and I going off profile. Since we didn't take their bait and performed strictly by the books, the duo had stopped trying. It didn't mean they were giving up or that I would relax in vigilance.<p>

I was initially wary when I saw the profile for the Genefex mission only called for a two person team. Having reviewed the mission parameter and objective, it was plain that a smaller team was the best approach to avoid suspicion. Reviewing the profile also revealed a way to shorten the time frame and give us a window to meet. It was risky, but such opportunities are rare.

The mission was going smoothly and ahead of schedule. When Nikita didn't meet at the designated location, I knew instantly something was wrong. While searching for her I noticed one of the lab technicians was shadowing me. Recognizing the pursuit behavior as standard Section training, I set out a trap for him. Fear for Nikita and anger at my inability to keep her from harm, made me less than gentle when I grabbed his arm and slammed him against the wall.

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_What do you mean? I work here!"_

"_You're Section."_

"_Section? What's Section?"_

"_I've trained a thousand operatives. You smell of Section."_

"_Listen. Get your hands off-"_

Impatient at this inept grunt wasting my time, I broke his arm without hesitation. I forced his other arm behind his back as a warning. _"You still have one good arm. If you want to keep it, talk."_

"_All right."_

"_Why are you here?"_

"_Backup team."_

"_Why wasn't I told?"_

"_Preserve security in case of capture."_

"_You're lying."_

"_That's what they told me. I swear."_

"_They also told you to keep an eye on me and Nikita."_

"_Yes."_

"_Where is she?"_

"_I'm not sure. There was a shadow profile on my panel. It showed activity on the top floor."_

"_When?"_

"_Right about now."_

"_If you're lying, I'll kill you."_

I ran up the stairs, hoping the whole way that Nikita was okay. I found an empty room with no obvious signs as to what might have taken place. Nikita appeared from the other end of the room, looking unharmed. It was all I could do not to run and take her into my arms.

"_Are you all right?"_

"_I'm fine. Operations sent me on a branch mission. There's been a change in the main mission profile. We have to return to Section."_

Nikita's words were impersonal, giving nothing away. She made no mention of missing our planned rendezvous, no visual cue even of regret about the missed opportunity.

"_Nikita. Are you sure you're all right?"_

"_Positive."_

* * *

><p>There was something seriously off about Nikita. The first clue was when we got back to the mission van. Since we were alone, Nikita normally would have used this opportunity to sit next to me. She thrived on touches, even if it's the barest brush of our sleeves. It was her way of giving and receiving comfort. That she sat on the opposite side of the van and then closed her eyes for a nap was strange. I couldn't shake the feeling that something had inexplicably changed.<p>

When we returned I confirmed with Birkoff that Nikita was called away for a branch mission. He told me that Operations had sent Nikita to obtain a hard copy secondary buyer's list. His confirmation raised more red flags than eased them since there were no need for Nikita to go off profile and leave her primary team member in the dark if it was part of the mission. Plus, there was nothing about a secondary buyer's list in the mission Intel.

When she was called in for a mission briefing, she didn't glance at me even once. It was as if a switch had been flipped and the light had gone out of her eyes. The uneasiness grew when she left Section without saying goodbye. She had gotten in a habit of checking in every time before she leaves as a way to see each other without raising the suspicion of observers.

I couldn't ignore my suspicions anymore and I went to her apartment despite the risk. I once told Nikita I didn't believe in intuition. What I did believe was my ability to understand what she was feeling. It was how I had known that she was keeping a secret when she returned to Section and when she was hiding her involvement with Adrian. I couldn't read her now other than indifference and it was a terrifying feeling.

She let me into the apartment easily and I noted immediately the renovation taking place. She was painting everything white, a blank canvas, a color she told me she disliked in anything other than clothing.

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_I wanted to see you."_

"_Yeah? They're watching the apartment you know."_

"_I know."_

The need to touch her was overwhelming and I ran a strand of her hair between my fingers. She gave me a confused look, as if unsure why I was touching her as she kept painting.

"_What did they do to you?"_

"_Nothing."_

I forced her to drop the roller, to meet my gaze. She looked back at me, clearly uncomfortable at being touched.

"_Nothing."_

She was obviously lying to me, but lying about what? I couldn't resist stroking the side of her face before softly kissing her. She pulled back with a look of warning.

"_Tell me."_

"_Don't."_ She jerked away from my touch. _"I don't know. Don't remember."_

There were tears in her eyes and she looked lost and confused. I took her hand to kiss it, but she jerked away and moved out of my reach.

"_Don't. It doesn't work. I don't love you anymore."_

Those words rang in my head over and over again. It was one of my worst fears, that Nikita would stop caring, would stop loving me. It was worse than my fear though since Nikita hadn't stopped loving me of her own volition. Her mind had been tampered with. They had ripped out a piece of her, a piece I cherished, and left her confused and in pain. I couldn't stand her pain on top of the ones I'm feeling. I left to prevent hurting her with my presence, had to leave to save my soul from breaking.

I walked away without a word, needing that distance now between us, where before all we wanted was to be together. _"I don't love you anymore." _Those words kept echoing in my mind taunting me, remind me of the cruelty by those in charge of our lives. That they would so coldly manipulate our emotions by denying they ever existed was the last straw. I had played by their rules, obeyed their commands, and tore my soul apart at their bidding. I would not let them do the same to Nikita.

"_I won't let them do this."_


End file.
